I’m meeting my grandfather for lunch on Friday. It’ll be the first time I’ve seen him in several years. He went all the way down the hate hole. Never heard him cuss but last time we talked he was using the N word.
He’ll be 87 soon. Most likely, I’ll never see him again. He’s going to find out we’re moving out of the south to yankee land.
Fuck it. He’s not the man I knew. He doesn’t have the wisdom I thought he did.
I hate it and it fucks me up. I’ve lost my people to hate and stupid. So fucking stupid. They all want to suck some orange cock. Fucking really? That’s your fucking Messiah? They didn’t actually fucking read the fucking book they claimed they believed in while shoving bullshit down my throat and the throats of any child they could get ahold of.
Fuck em. They could wake the fuck up if they choose to. They could read. They could think. I tried to tell them.
I’m real sad about it. Not a fucking thing I can do about it. They can live inside their lie holes.
Blackberry Winter has skipped two years. There are armadillos, geckos, and fire ants now. Those critters didn’t live here until things changed. The fucking woods smell and sound different now. They could wake the fuck up and quit listening to fox or their preacher but they choose not to.
I tried to tell them and they didn’t listen because they choose to be ignorant.
fuck em
When I see stuff like this, I’m happy my father died when he did. He was also suffering at the time so seeing him no longer in pain was a good thing. I won’t get into that whole story, but he started going that way when he became a bit too forgetful. As in, he couldn’t even follow along with a normal conversation anymore. Happened sometime in the mid to late 2010’s.
He watched stuff like Fox, and listened to guys like Rush Limbaugh, and he was religious. I don’t really follow any media/news organizations, I don’t listen to pretty much any broadcasts specifically, nor follow any specific celebrities, and I’m atheist/agnostic/non-religious (I have some beliefs, but they’re not relevant to the story. I will say that I generally abhor any organized religion with a few exceptions).
I never saw him get consumed with hate over these things. He wasn’t aware enough that he could have even realized that Trump was president at all.
I should also disclose, were not Americans. We’re Canadians, but ask pretty much any Canadian about American politics and most of us will have a good understanding, meanwhile we generally know less about our own politics.
In any case, at the time that this decline into hate mongering started, his mental faculties were all but non-existent.
I’m truly sorry that you’ve had to deal with this op. I wish you the very best of luck moving forward.
Appreciate the kindness. I kind of wish they all died early so I didn’t have to see the rot.
Y’all watch out, be on guard.
Live well an full.
He’ll be 87 soon. Most likely, I’ll never see him again.
suck some orange cock. Fucking really? That’s your fucking Messiah?
Once you’ve reached 87, I wonder if you’ll reflect back on that last time you ever saw your grandfather, but maintained too much distance because he had the wrong political alignment.
I don’t believe that you owe your toxic family time
I have similar issues with my family. Never forget how much they love you, and never forget that they are the ones who helped you become the person you are today, regardless of the politics and or language they used to get you there
This actually sounds a bit toxic tbh
How so? Because the family is toxic?
It’s not necessarily the case in this specific situation but in general this way of thinking can prevent people from getting out of situations that are really bad for their mental health.
That was the case for me at least where I didn’t cut off harmful family members out of a sense of obligation to them but that was a bit of a different situation to what the OP is describing.
They have become what they taught me not to be. I studied what they told me was the truth. They would crucify Jesus for being a pinko commie. Something changed and they aren’t who they used to be. I have a lot of trouble trying to make peace with it.
They opened your eyes. Give thanks for that. The world works in mysterious ways, and they need your love more than ever now.
This… I don’t necessarily agree with this. If you come from a healthy, functional family, then sure, but for those of us who don’t, this is a very unhealthy attitude to keep, and is a mindset that is very easily manipulated.
And it’s almost impossible to explain to people who don’t come from that background. Ask me how I know…
I am drunk AF, but yeah. If people don’t have the decency to understand ecology, fuck em. They are living in their own world which does not reflect reality. If they choose to deny every logical point you present, that is on them.
I’m drunk as well. Fuck em. They chose not see things as they are and accept others for who they are. They chose to drink the poison.
Just going to point out that alcohol is literally a poison people drink to make them feel good. In much the same way that listening to someone who is projected as an authority figure, telling you that everything that’s wrong in your life is someone else’s fault makes your grandpa feel good.
He doesn’t have to feel bad for supporting bad politicians/policies, because they would have worked if not for those damn immigrants.
He doesn’t have to feel bad about voting to deny people abortions because they’re all just drugged up sluts who should be punished with children.
He doesn’t have to feel bad about destroying the environment because science is wrong sometimes(I can’t really condense the rhetoric on denying climate change because it literally makes no sense?).
The reason they watch this stuff is to feel better about themselves. And just like an alcoholic, indulging in performative blame-shifting politics can make you feel good in the short-term, while negatively impacting your life in a million different ways, ultimately resulting in you losing your friends, loved ones, career, and community.
Just going to point out that alcohol is literally a poison people drink to make them feel good.
It starts that way, but quickly turns on you. Pretty soon you’re pissed at everything for no good reason, you’re tired but have enough energy for angry outbursts, and your world just shrinks and shrinks along with your brain. Horrible drug. Maybe some people can handle having a drink regularly, but I sure can’t ':S
Anyway yeah, getting caught up in politics can be similar.
If you are going to be upset about other people like this, you will be in a state of constant anger.
It’s not your responsibility to control what people do or think. My advice is to let those people be who they are, while you focus on being the best you can be.
Keep the people you vibe with in your life, and let the others go. Meet your grandfather and just observe him. This is life showing you someone who is hateful, from the sound of it. It’s just an example of who not to be, that’s all it is. Learn from that and remain calm.
You can do it. :)
If you are in the right state of mind, you can even smile at horrible things he says, because it’s just about him, not anyone else. You will start to view him as someone funny, like a child that messes up because they don’t know better.
Don’t fight people you don’t agree with. Just say what you think, and leave. No need to argue at all.
There is wisdom in what you say.
I tried to help them. I wanted them to see a way without the hate.
It hurts a lot that they can’t come with me. I love them so much. It’s not okay that I can’t help them. My grandfather. My family. We make our choices.
It is so so so painful to lose a loved one.
It is excruciating to lose them before they die.
Even worse is when you see parts of what you liked about them suffocating beneath the propaganda that poisoned them. This is like a threefold death.
“This is like a threefold death.”
It really is. Grieving is a process and it comes in waves.
You will start to view him as someone funny, like a child
Well his grandfather is so old he’s probably well on his way becoming a child again.
I’m sorry. It’s still hard to grow up and realize that people aren’t who we thought they were. Never meet your heroes, as they say.
I know where your coming from. My parents feel right down the racist conspiracy theory rabbit hole during Brexit and COVID. I was working in the hospital watching people and colleagues die regularly and my dad was telling me it’s just flu and all a hoax to scare people, they convinced my 90 year old grandma to not get the vaccine. We had a lot of fights. Eventually after a lot of reflecting I decided that having a relationship with my family was more important than winning an argument so now we just have a selection of topics I refuse to engage with, just say let’s move on and change the topic. I found it really hard to see the people who raised me fall into racist rhetoric and conspiracy theory thinking, these people taught me to be a good person and now have some glaring holes in their compassion for others. I struggled with that for a long time.
I had a similar experience. I was working in D.C. and had focused on Ukraine, of all things, well before it became an international talking point. As Russia got increasingly involved in U.S. politics via Trump, I found I couldn’t really share what I was seeing/experiencing first-hand, because back home, my family was actively falling for the same bullshit I was trying to scream about in D.C. It’s all been so surreal.
If it was drug use wed call this enabling. Family shouldn’t get a pass to be dick bags.
It is also caring for oneself/ their own wellbeing and sanity.
but just like being addicted to a drug, we can’t force them to stop. They have to want to change themselves. And if they don’t stop, what, we’re supposed to cut off our whole family? That won’t stop them from continuing to be hateful, but it will stop us from having a meaningful relationship with our loved ones. All we can do is make our values clear when they attempt to bring up any of their hateful BS, and then move onto something else.
Yup this is where I got to with them. Either I compromise my values to continue having a relationship or we eventually stop talking entirely as I continue to argue with their bullshit. The arguing doesn’t work, even appeals to emotion didn’t make a difference. I struggled for a long time with how these people who I held in such high regard could fall so far. They are just people at the end of the day and fell for the hateful propaganda on social media.
This feels like excerpts I read of “here’s just an example of how disenchantment and loss had impacted everyday citizens of _ in the early _ century”.
I forget what kind of coping mechanism it is called where I try to see things historically when they hit a little too close to home.
Disassociation?
Voilà yup
There’s nothing stopping you from going NC with extended - or even immediate - family, if they negatively impact your sanity to that degree. At the end of the day, you’re human, and so is everyone else. Live your life on your own terms.
I don’t disagree, but when you mention it like that, I can’t help but think of how cults shun people who don’t assimilate.
I’m from the South so I feel your pain, people are painfully ignorant. I’m more interested in the fact that you said the woods sound and smell different, could you elaborate?
This will be hard to put into words. I figure it’s a result of climate change/global warming.
There was an eartheir note in the smell when I was a kid. Now I smell more clay and piss, I think the piss smell is from the insects changing. I smell less oak and a lot more privet. Less walnut and pecan sharp smells. Lots of a green smell that I only used to know in high spring. Fungus and wood rot way more often. Something like cut grass even in February.
There was a constant whine and buzz. It was a background noise and is mostly gone. There was always knocking in the trees and it happens way less. The ground had a buzz and shuffle that is way less, even though big beetles move through.
There are new whinings, there’s a deeper buzz.
It’s all subjective, it’s different, things have changed.
I’m trying to put words to this, but it’s like trying to talk about the way water feels.
They sound like my boomer parents. I just keep them far away from me. We talk once every 6 months or so, that’s it. They live a 2 hour drive away, but now that I don’t have a car anymofe it’s 4,5h with public transportation, so a good reason not to visit them. I love it. I’m just waiting for them to die. Stupid boomers. They fucked up my youth, they fucked up the world, now they spread hate.
Just live your own life, surround yourself with people who are like minded. I have a lot of friends around me, I left my family. The expression “blood runs thicker then water” is originally longer. Many people interpret it as family bonds being stronger then friends, but the entire expression is “blood runs thicker then water from the womb” meaning the exact opposite. You can choose your friends, you’re stuck with the people who are your family, you can’t choose your family. But you can choose to not talk to them anymore and to focus on friends instead.
Feel you! My family are immigrants in Germany and my grandpa who was always misogynist and all that old school bullshit, I loved him anyway because as a kid I didn’t realize and he always brought us chocolate and ice cream so I wanted to only remember that.
But in the last couple years he started saying more and more racist shit, being really angry and I’m pretty sure he’s now voting for AfD (our local MAGA). My brother started telling me how we need to deport more people and how all of those immigrants should integrate and learn German Blabla and how they’re not contributing. I was like, do you remember that we’re also immigrants my man?
It’s an epidemic, idk what else to say, but I wish you strength and patience to deal with this, certainly I need it myself.
I’m in a very similar spot. My mom is starting to slip mentally and the further she slides, the more hateful she becomes. Before she knew and were friends with many diverse people. Now she hates their kind. Gays, trans, immigrants, blacks, etc.
I theorize the more you decline mentally, and lose your ability to critically think, the most convincing arguments are most repeated ones. I’ve noticed that the strength of her opinions are usually based on the frequency that she hears it. I can predict how often she’s gonna start ranting about black people, trans pedophiles, electric vehicles by the amount of content she’s watching. The more she watches, the more she argues.
I can’t seem to break her out of this cycle. The right has thoroughly brainwashed her that Democrats and leftists are scum and should only exist to be shamed and exiled. If an opinion or fact is even slightly related to democratic values, she just shuts off and rejects it.
She had a PhD and was extremely successful but now she has difficulty just using the oven. There are days when she is lucid and relatively straight thinking but other days she is entirely unintelligible and relies heavily on hand gestures.
Sometimes I wish she would pass. She causes so much pain for everyone around her (my sisters went no contact) and she is in pain herself. She is so extremely stressed and fears that antifa is going to burn down all of the great American cities, the homeless and blacks are going to ravage and loot everything and the left will be complicit since it’s their “ultimate goal” to destroy america.
It makes me extremely sad.
Goddam this one was heartbreaking
It hurts a whole lot. I can’t find a cure for their sick and I’ve tried.
Bless her heart, I don’t think she can help it. I don’t think you can fix it.
We can’t fix or help them. They’re sick in a bad way and we have to move on and take care of the ones that will let us.
The irony being they are actually correct in some cases. Lots of leftists want to destroy the state, and national borders in favour of a unified world. You also have tankies that want death to America specifically, and honestly I can understand the feeling.
I don’t think wanting to end America is “tankie,” you’re just using dramatic phrasing. We have a corporate right wing government that has cut off all roads to influencing politics to the left that pretends to fight between two sides which are actually unified in fighting off anything left of the mid right wing.
Feeling that there’s no pulling back seems perfectly reasonable to me. Institutions aren’t infallible eternal entities and their time sometimes comes. We’d all love a peaceful transition that doesn’t ruin anyone’s day to day, but how much systemic violence does it take before responding with violence is the only tangible response?
I’ve been having the same conversations. Told my family I love them as people but I’m moving because their politics quite literally are devolving into third world territory.
Can’t keep power on, roads and bridges falling apart, rights being taken away.
If that’s where you want to live that’s cool but peace.
Be mad at the propagandists. The same thing happened to my best friend and my father. It’s 99.999% at the feet of the likes of fox news and Newsmax.
They get introduced through the lense of “fairness” (illegal immigrants “skip the line” it’s not fair!) (msm lies about trump, it’s not fair!) (I pay taxes and it goes to lazy people, it’s not fair!) and these outlets keep tickling your amygdala keeping you angry and it just spirals. These people end up watching right wing media as “hate-porn” and it becomes a bit of an addiction. They completely believe they are on the right side and any time you bring up some disgusting thing a right winger said/did they can dismiss it as “lies” because their chosen hate-monger tells them as such.
They have some blame as they allow themselves to hate, they form some justification, but you can see it here too from “the left.” See just how many people (myself included) will say how much they hate Republicans (in office for me) so it’s entirely a human thing which is why I blame propaganda almost entirely.
I should change my username because I say it so often, but I FUCKING HATE PROPAGANDISTS!
