• AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee
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    9 days ago

    I dumped a woman when she told me she faked her orgasms. Good sex requires honesty, trust, and communication. It’s impossible to get better when either person is being dishonest.

    • pinkystew@reddthat.com
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      9 days ago

      Good, fuck her. Or not fuck her in this case. I’ve dated two or three guys that had honesty issues, and the relationship crumbled very quickly after I figured it out. Without trust there’s no respect, no cooperation, no kindness.

  • MissJinx@lemmy.world
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    9 days ago

    I feel like as.a.woman I.have to.point out that, many times, a woman orgasming or not is not.your fuck’s fault.

    I would also.like to point out that it is harder to orgasm in “normal” sex than is it with oral, so.if your girl didn’t orgasm don’t take it personally, pull your pants up and go down on her

    • 1984@lemmy.today
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      9 days ago

      I’m surprised this is news to people but I guess sex education varies between countries maybe.

    • angrystego@lemmy.world
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      9 days ago

      Agree. Let me add that some women don’t orgasm at all or do orgasm and don’t like it - yes, the world is a diverse place.

      Communication is key in any relationship.

    • Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works
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      9 days ago

      Or, first ask for directions, go down and stay down, keep listening and doing exactly what she says, until she gets there first. THEN bring your dick to the party. For many of us the second and successive orgasms are much quicker and easier to achieve, even from penetrative sex.

      • Resonosity@lemmy.world
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        9 days ago

        This is the way. First, second, third base and home.

        Although doesn’t have to be every time. Can skip bases, go backwards, etc.

    • BudgetBandit@sh.itjust.works
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      9 days ago

      There’s also women who can not orgasm by in-and-out movements (like: the act of fucking) and it just hurts them after a while. Had to find that out the hard way.

      • RedditWanderer@lemmy.world
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        9 days ago

        I think people would be really surprised at the wide variety of shapes for women insides. Some shapes just don’t get rubbed the same way.

      • Captain Aggravated@sh.itjust.works
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        9 days ago

        Positions and angles of attack can matter. Something that feels good for one girl does nothing for or hurts another. And it’s not necessarily a matter of “I like this position” because it’s about how your two bodies interact. It’s very possible you both like different things. I had a girlfriend fairly early on where we pretty quickly realized I liked this and she liked that, and we’d take turns doing the other’s favorite. Dynamics of sexual relationships became a lot less adult after high school.

  • Zannsolo@lemmy.world
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    9 days ago

    I’m lucky my wife orgasms easily from PIV makes me feel like a champ but really it’s just her body that makes it happen.

      • interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml
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        9 days ago

        Here’s the psychic cure, actually fake orgasms don’t exist, they are all real. If she tells you she faked it, it means she’s lying to you, and now she’s just trying to hurt you, probably because you didn’t do the dishes last night.

        There, the whole fake orgasm thing, solved forever.

    • meliaesc@lemmy.world
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      9 days ago

      I’m in the “multiple orgasm” camp but it has happened a couple times where I’m not really in the mood (stress etc) or the sex has gone on too long (chafing, boredom) where there’s not a specific thing my husband should start or stop doing long term and I don’t want to impact his experience. It’s only been like 3 or 4 times in the last 15 years.

  • gnuplusmatt@reddthat.com
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    9 days ago

    As a chronic premature ejaculator, just get good with your tongue and pushing past the refactory period to go for round 2 (which lasts ages 👍)

  • Coreidan@lemmy.world
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    9 days ago

    Ya you just suck at communicating. It’s probably why most of your relationships fail.

    • deaf_fish@lemm.ee
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      9 days ago

      Tell him it’s not going to happen. It’s okay if it doesn’t. The important part is he tried.

        • stoicmaverick@lemmy.world
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          8 days ago

          The balls often get neglected. Give them a little gentle attention too. Basically, do the kind of things that would feel good if done to your breasts (cupping them, light scratches and tickles, a gentile squeeze, a medium tug, ect.). Combined with a halfway decent stroking or sucking, it’ll take care of most guys in pretty short order. Any other questions you don’t want to ask someone who you’ll have to see again? Happy to educate. I’m a male nurse if that somehow makes it less weird.

          • paddirn@lemmy.world
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            8 days ago

            TMI warning, but I actually prefer this everytime I fuck now, having my balls cupped and squeezed, it makes sex so much better. It’s just constant stimulation when going for the in-stroke and out-stroke, and then it feels great when nutting.

            Unfortunately, it can sometimes depend on the shape of a woman’s body if she can easily do it. If a woman has a dump truck ass, she may not be able to reach around her phat ass to get your balls. I wish there was something I could wear in that situation that felt the same, but I don’t know that a testicle pouch would really do it. Plus, it’d be weird to ask a partner to let me wear it before sex.

      • Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        9 days ago

        “It’s ok babe, I’m good, my thighs are sore.”
        “No, I’m gonna get you off tonight!”

        Sometimes the kind thing to do is just fake it. It doesn’t mean the sex was bad, it doesn’t mean I wasn’t satisfied. But getting to the Big O is often times just too much trouble.

        • Soulg@sh.itjust.works
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          8 days ago

          Okay but if that’s his response then put your foot down and tell him in no uncertain terms that you are finished

        • kofe@lemmy.world
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          9 days ago

          If the follow up to you saying you’re done is them demanding to keep going, that is coercive and fucked up. I wouldn’t suggest lying in response unless you never plan to see them again, though, or if you feel safe and plan to address it later. It’s just as fucked up to keep up with the lie afterwards as it is to be coercive, imo. Both play coercive, indirect ways of refusing respect, and the tit-for-tat dynamic risks setting up a breeding grounds of resentment for at least the person maintaining a lie. It also denies the coercive person the opportunity for growth.

  • Rakonat@lemmy.world
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    9 days ago

    While 100% in the don’t fake it camp, please also remember us men are not mind readers and our equipment works different. Much like with cooking and cleaning, if you don’t tell us what we are doing wrong or better yet show us the right way, we are going to assume we did our part cause we got the result we wanted and you didn’t complain or ask for something different.

    • interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml
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      9 days ago

      Fake orgasm is very counter-productive, even when it’s used as a feeling preservibg way of saying “I’m tired and bored, let’s just finish you off and go back to watching tv”

    • gladflag@lemmy.ml
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      9 days ago

      Yes! Also, tell your male friends to communicate and actively ask what feels good!

      Edit: Also

    • Allero@lemmy.today
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      9 days ago

      What I happened to notice with different girls as a guy is that for many, of not most, telling/showing the right way is a turn-off and having something the right way without showing first is a source of tremendous excitement.

      With that said, we, men, are still not mind readers, and women really do have it very differently, so some common sex education, while useful, can only cover the basics, and even they are not universally applicable.

      • Omgpwnies@lemmy.world
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        9 days ago

        telling/showing the right way is a turn-off

        I don’t think OP is talking about a PowerPoint presentation (unless that’s your kink, you do you), but more like some verbal cues “faster” “don’t stop” “a little lower” etc. If the guy has a reasonable amount of attentiveness and experience, he should be able to get her 80% of the way there. Also, little cues like that can be hot as well because we know she’s into it and stuff.

      • TheFriar@lemm.ee
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        9 days ago

        I dunno man, most women in my experience have all really appreciated (and as much said out loud) that there was communication. Sure, if it happens without any prompting or guidance, it’s mind blowing because it feels like there’s something naturally special going on, but that’s a pretty rare thing. Sexual compatibility can be tweaked and guided, for sure, but then again there are also people who just don’t have it together.

        There are also just toxic people that want perfection with zero work. But that’s not how shit works, even if they can be a vocal group

      • MisterFrog@lemmy.world
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        9 days ago

        Funnily enough, this is the case for men too. Hence all the “this has never happened to me before” memes on TV shows in the 90s and 00s.

      • Croquette@sh.itjust.works
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        9 days ago

        I’d say day to day as well, depending on many factors (stress, energy level, hormones, etc.)

        Just communicate and see what’s working or not, or if anything works at all. It will make the sex better for everyone involved.

      • Captain Aggravated@sh.itjust.works
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        8 days ago

        I’ve noticed a pretty direct correlation with a woman’s habit of masturbating and her ability to orgasm during sex. The chick I was seeing just before I went back to college, I’d believe it if you told me that I’ve played with her clit more than she ever has TO THIS DAY, and guess what? She never once gave me any suggestion on what she wanted me to do, I’m sure because she genuinely didn’t know.