I realized the hard truth is you don’t get mad at shit you don’t care about. And suddenly a lot of shit I got mad at felt really fucking stupid.

I also learned to take a deep breath before I act in anger, and it often calms me down enough to find a better solution.

Stopped being poor. My family instilling a poverty mindset meant stuff breaking led to many negative emotions. If you stop caring about how much that can ruin your financial situation, that’s a massive reduction in stress and anger.

I have pretty severe anger issues caused by my shit life and the seemingly rapidly deteriorating state of the world. Rich people and abusive corporations piss me off more than I can describe. Unfortunately a lot of other things can piss me off too, and I get so angry I’m completely useless.

I’ve tried different therapies and many drugs. It’s bad out of relationships, and bad in them. I’m fairly certain the only thing that will help is slowly aging out of it, or quickly dying.

Thankfully I am substantially more fucked in the head than the average person, so I assume there are better ways around it for most people.

Notice when your teeth are clenching and muscles tensing, then consciously relax all your muscles.

It doesn’t help with the cause of the anger, but it really reduces the need to retaliate.

Sometimes it helps to feel bad for someone instead of being angry at them. I think of Gandalf’s quote from LOTR:

“Frodo: ‘It’s a pity Bilbo didn’t kill Gollum when he had the chance.’
Gandalf: 'Pity? It’s pity that stayed Bilbo’s hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment.”

Started thinking about if something will affect me in 8 minutes, 8 hours, or 8 days. Now i only get mad at things that will affect me for 8 days. My anger is from combat so it’s unreasonable which makes it easier to ignore now that i’m aware of it.

Drop caffeine. Seriously, that took me from reacting like the hulk to just getting flushed in the face (in most cases…I still flew off the handle sometimes, but like less than 20% compared to before). Next step that helped then was getting a non stimulant medication for ADHD, but that may not be needed for you.

Honestly, watching and thinking about the Pixar movie Inside Out helped me understand my anger a lot better. In the movie, Anger is kind of a joke character. But there’s a line when he’s introduced where Joy says “Anger wants things to be fair.”

I think a lot about how when I’m angry, most of the time there’s some imbalance that I want balanced, and I’m looking to inflict pain, either physical or emotional, in order to balance it out. The vast majority of times, that’s not actually a winning strategy, either in terms of long or short term goals.

It doesn’t always work, but trying to think in terms of what I actually want, why I want it, and what impulses and aims are leading to my feelings, has been a lot of help to not feeling so much like I’m being helplessly driven by my anger.

It sounds like there is some other sort of resentment at play here. Is there some other underlying attribute the coworkers who annoy you share? Example: Are they friends outside of work and you are not? Is it a racial or ethnic difference? Look for the reasons why they specifically “set you off” and address those biases. Try to better understand them as people first.

You say they are lazy - is it your job to police them at work? If not, then do your work and get promoted. Then you can actually do something about it. Until then, back off unless they prevent you from doing your job. Maybe when they see you are doing better than they are, maybe they’ll follow your lead.

If you want to be a leader, lead. Be the change you want to see. Take pride in yourself and your work, inspire others.

Anyway, ask yourself those questions and be honest. If you are troubled by the answers, start there.

Hope this helps

Removing / migitating sources of stress and anxiety. I was known at work for my regular expression of anger, and if it wasn’t that it was sarcasm. Had a 3 month rehab after crashing really hard, and the “observers view” of my life at home made me see what had to change. Similar progress could be made with a good therapist, will take more time tho.

When I get angry at someone online, I mute or block them

When I get angry at someone IRL, I walk away and put physical distance between us.

If it happens often and I cannot put distance between myself and the other person, then I take a few days to think about what made me angry and I draft a letter explaining my feelings and what are my needs to prevent it from occurring again. If it keeps happening, then I make changes to my life so I dont have to see them.

What do you mean by trigger you. How do you react? How does their behavior actually affect you?

Since no one had actually answered you: In roughly 30 minutes increments.

Do you wear a watch? I find it helps massively. Make a point of looking at it. I don’t know what your work situation is, or living situation, but if you feel the wire trip, time it. Go and take a thirty minute break elsewhere. Toilet, conference room, cupboard, who cares just as long as you can be by yourself, and not be bothered. Write a journal, note why you got pissed off. Simmering anger can sabotage easily because it is basically you against you. Like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. It can also be addictive. Note that too.

Thirty minutes I guarantee it the anger will have gone.
Plan your day so when you deal with them, you get it out of the way nice and early. You don’ t need them dropping a load of shit in your lap at 4pm on a friday. Know when to be gone, if you know what I mean.

I am not a better human being, but I’m combating my irritability one cause at a time. Firstly, treating physical conditions that cause irritability (as much as money has let me): hormonal issues, sleeping issues, etc. Secondly, addressing psychological and psychiatric problems (I had to learn a lot of these topics because I wasn’t able to afford specialists all the time and it was an interest of mine anyway). Finally, fixing external or environmental causes, e.g. working on changing toxic relationships.

It is still a work in progress, but my life is getting calmer and calmer as I am ticking the boxes in that list. At some point, you get to a place where you can search for your own answers, existentially speaking, and that also helps. Here I mean exploring philosophy and your own ideas; your feelings, your passions, etc.

Be patient. Be compassionate with yourself (and others).

I started therapy and my therapist helped me see that my fucked-up childhood left me with lots of triggers, which we examined. Understanding those triggers reduced their power. I also now understand I can leave stressful situations before I blow up. I don’t have to constantly mask.

So, therapy. It’s awesome. If your first therapist isn’t a good fit it’s ok to find another one.