Here’s Why I Decided To Buy ‘InfoWars’ By Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO ☞ https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/
And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market. And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.
🤣
Alien diarrhea is the real cause of global warning!
i didn’t know that 🤯
This is the best thing that’s ever happened
truly the wildest of timelines
Make reality boring again
Honestly, considering how much of a clown Alex Jones was, they have their work cut out for them if they want to compete at comedic levels!
Either way, this may be the best news I’ve heard all year, thank you!
I wonder if this gives them the rights to all of Infowars’ library of footage. Maybe they could “keep” Jones as a host by cutting up old clips kinda how South Park did with Isaac Hayes for Chef’s last episode.
One of the few good uses for generative AI I’ve seen.
I home they own Jones’ likeness to the point where they can give DJs the rights to remix his shouts into something of value.
Like this? https://youtu.be/9JRLCBb7qK8?si=sDYZT5z_FlyiMan-
https://youtu.be/9kAEoCHANYY?si=LHq8QiiufT73XKqM
Or my personal favorite
Train an AI model to produce new shows with him as the host
This just in! I’m turning my frickin’ self gay! I’m selling the supplements that will get you there too! The deep state wants to control us! NO MORE! You’re not gonna get my frickin’ dna to fight in your wars! You’re not gonna push us around!
eats handful of supplements
These Pro-homoerotics are literally the best on the market. I just now took them and I already want to tear my clothes off and throw the cameraman on this table!
Help support InfoWars and fight the deep state! I can’t do this without you guys and now I want to do you guys!
Up for grabs at the auction were Infowars production rights and materials, the Infowars store, domain names, production equipment and other assets — including a Terradyne armored truck and a Winnebago motor home — that can be purchased in their entirety or in parts, according to the firm, ThreeSixty Asset Advisors. Jones broadcasts from the Austin, Texas, area.
I’ll take the middle third of the Winnebago, just carve it out and drop it on Nick Fuentes’ lawn, thanks.
The “shitter’s full” third I hope.
Considering what The Onion has been able to do with manipulating video for the sake of comedy, I can’t wait to see what they do with any of their footage.
They don’t want you to know this, but the ducks at the park are free!
This was not on my bingo card.
Gaetz?
i’ve just read that quote
Wait, is it real?
I hope they keep Alex Jones’s communism financing operation going.
very funny, very stupid
Well, their work is half done already!
Great idea. Who didn’t like the Colbert Report? Could turn out like a right-wing populist Repor!
Next week’s headlines “Alex Jones appointed as Secretary of State” or some other wackass shit.
Press secretary would be perfect.
Ok, but surgeon general would be hilarious
The Surgeon General hawking supplements in official statements would be peak America.
Does this mean they’re Alex Jones’s boss now?
Makes sense. They keep him contained somewhere to ramble, while appropriately inducted and vetted comedians interpret, neutralize and transmit his bullshit and make it funny.
An oracle of comedy situation.
Aside from the official licensing, you essentially just described Knowledge Fight.
Wait, what? Which parts of this are satire now? I read the Onion piece that Global Tetrahedron was purchasing InfoWars, but this is a Guardian story saying The Onion is purchasing it? I’m a bit confused.
It’s not satire, they are purchasing it for real.
It’s on APNews too - it’s real
Who did they give money to? Maybe it would’ve been better if they just created a offbrand infowars.
It was being auctioned for the victims but there was also the real risk that a supporter would win who would let him he continue on business as usual. So definitely money well spent.
The assets were auctioned off to pay his debt to the families of the Sandy Hook shooting.
So effectively they gave money to the families of children killed in a school shooting that he slandered in cruel and vile ways.Given that the families pretty reasonably dislike him, the added bonus of his creation being used to openly mock him and promote a message they endorse is quality icing on the cake.
One thing the headlines aren’t mentioning is that the families actually even helped fund a portion of the Onion’s bid.
In order to make the bid work, a lawyer representing the families told CNN that the families “agreed to forgo a portion of their recovery to increase the overall value of the Onion’s bid, enabling its success”.
Ha! I didn’t see that at first. I love “fuck you so hard that we can and will put a significant dollar value on it being more humiliating”.
Ha!
Probably the money paid for whomever Alex Jones lost lawsuits against – so like Sandy Hook victims.
The sale follows a judge’s order earlier this year for Jones to liquidate his personal assets, to help him to pay off the $1.4bn he was ordered to pay the families of victims of the 2012 Sandy Hook school shooting…
I believe this money goes to the victims’ families
I genuinely don’t know how they plan to make a parody of InfoWars that will not be indistinguishable from the original thing.
The funniest thing to do would be to turn it into either a legitimate leftist new site or a leftist themed nujob conspiracy mill (though I don’t know how that would work).
I’m hoping for something similar to what The Colbert Report used to be.
Yes but slowly and using language they’re familiar with. Lure them into it
leftist themed nujob conspiracy mill
The Republican party is ripe for conspiracy theory targets.
Epstein had close ties with Trump and his attorney general Bill Barr (whose father hired Epstein to teach at a prestigious private high school without a college degree, where he was known for ogling the high school girls and showing up to parties where underage drinking was happening). The waitresses and hostesses at Trump’s Mar a Lago were also regularly recruited to work at Epstein’s island. Alex Acosta, the federal prosecutor who agreed to a secret plea deal where Epstein served a slap on the wrist in a local jail instead of real prison was later elevated to Trump’s cabinet, as Labor Secretary.
Now, Trump has named another child sex trafficker as his nominee for Attorney General.
There are suspicious ties between the Saudi royal family and key members in Trump’s orbit, including his son in law Jared Kushner. Elon Musk has been doing sketchy shit with the Saudis and the Russians, as well. Basically everyone in Trump’s circle, including his nominee to be the director of national intelligence, has shady ties with foreign adversaries.
There’s lots of other little things about financial profiteering by the Trump folks: an SBA COVID bailout that went to huge businesses, a move to privatize or sabotage the public postal service and the weather service to help the private competition, arbitrary or politically motivated regulations to help certain businesses while hurting others, etc.
I mean, it really wouldn’t be hard.
The hard part would be doing it in a way that pulls in the kind of people who listened to Alex Jones.
“The rich intentionally causing global warming to make people have to use cars”
Bingo. Slowly turn them onto each other…
They’re very, very good at it
I for one am excited to see what they are going to do with it.
Lol I am so happy about this.
