Satirical news outlet purchases media platform run by Alex Jones at a court-ordered auction

Here’s Why I Decided To Buy ‘InfoWars’ By Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO ☞ https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/

And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market. And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.

🤣

  • schnurrito@discuss.tchncs.deEnglish
    0·
    8 hours ago

    Wait, what? Which parts of this are satire now? I read the Onion piece that Global Tetrahedron was purchasing InfoWars, but this is a Guardian story saying The Onion is purchasing it? I’m a bit confused.

    • GeneralVincent@lemmy.worldEnglish
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      9 hours ago

      It’s a bankruptcy auction, and he’s bankrupt because he was sued by Sandy Hook families. Some of those families gave money to the Onion to buy InfoWars so Alex Jones is losing his platform and his money.

      It sucks for him more than it helps him really.

  • finitebanjo@lemmy.worldEnglish
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    9 hours ago

    Next week’s headlines “Alex Jones appointed as Secretary of State” or some other wackass shit.

  • Bosht@lemmy.worldEnglish
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    9 hours ago

    Oh my god what a power move. More power to them, seriously. Best outcome we could have gotten

  • chiliedogg@lemmy.worldEnglish
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    10 hours ago

    They should harness the crazy for good. Make conspiracy theory-sounding stories, but make them factual and get people to take positive action.

    “They created chemicals you can inject into the bloodstream that keeps them from getting the Measels.”

    “The overlords in their golden towers want to tell you who you are and aren’t allowed to love.”

    • captainlezbian@lemmy.worldEnglish
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      7 hours ago

      The vaccine one would probably be better as: “independent thinking researchers developed a means of using your own body’s immune response to prevent diseases with a mere injection. Some of them even refused to patent it. But then the media started lying to you about them, trying to get you to stop accepting these miracles? Why, just so some companies could make more money selling you proprietary snake oil to keep you comfortable while you’re sick.”

        • captainlezbian@lemmy.worldEnglish
          0·
          2 hours ago

          Thanks! The trick is to understand the emotions they aim for and the baseline rhetorical tricks.

          Conspiracies stem from knowing you’re getting fucked, but that most people are good. It’s an attempt to find explanations when the world feels wrong. Someone did it. You just have to sell the truth in the tone that they’re used to hearing. Especially with vaccines where the truth does sound like a free lunch, until you realize that it’s governments and insurers paying for vaccines and it saves them and the economy money by you not getting sick or needing stronger medicines. These are the two groups that desperately want you to exercise, eat right, and quit smoking

    • dirthawker0@lemmy.worldEnglish
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      7 hours ago

      I’m totally for this and I bet it would work, too. We’ve seen the level of ignorance that went into how people chose to vote. If OnionWars puts up those kinds of stories, along with the occasional article declaring Jones actually still owns InfoWarts and any news stating otherwise is fake, they could ease these nutjobs back to sanity.

  • bitchkat@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    10 hours ago

    They should run it like it was. Then in about a year, just subtly start changing the context. Then before you know it, they are going to start supporting progressive topics.

  • masquenox@lemmy.worldEnglish
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    10 hours ago

    They should send Alex Jones a $1 “royalty” check every month - just so that he doesn’t forget it.