He’s just like me FOR REAL!
I think must of us are missing the fact that the second to last panel his ‘smile’ is a grimace because he has severed the afflicted hand.
I’ll let you discuss what is meant by this.
I actually never interpreted it that way - I though it was just showing it getting worse - but that’s a good point and you may be right. It could be showing that he “fixed” the problem by pretending it doesn’t exist as much as he can around others, since none of them take it seriously anyway. Of course, that won’t help anything and will likely make it worse.
Oh hey, I have something for this.
From experience, ‘making it somebody else’s problem’ by asking for help, rarely ends well or gets you the help you need. It just makes you an annoyance and look bad, and eventually people (healthcare workers included) decide you’re malingering and/or attention seeking and start treating you even worse.
Isn’t life fun.
Long story about healthcare workers.
I went to the ER for chest pains this summer. EKG was good, did a scan, and didn’t see any blockages. They determined it was probably heart burn.
I started taking prevacid and that helped but I still wasn’t feeling great. Doc said to try the three main over the counter heart burn drugs to see what worked. So I tried nexium next.
By the time I finished that bottle I was feeling very nauseous, dizzy and would get sharp quick headaches that lasted a few seconds. On top of that still feeling pain in my left shoulder/ chest area. It got to the point that one day at work I just felt so bad I had to go back to the ER.
Another round of scans and tests and they still said the old ticker looked good but did give me an IV and anti nausea that helped. The ER doc this time asked if I had anxiety and I said sure because at that moment I was very worried about my health.
They discharged me and I went home for the day and set up some doctors appointments. I went to my doc and talked about everything going on and she looked at the test results. Then she says the ER doc says you have anxiety and gives me a bunch of pamphlets about mental health and suggests talk therapy.
I’ve got nothing against therapy and could probably use some, but I don’t think it’s the cause of my chest problems. I was perfectly fine before the first ER visit. Anyways I fired her and went looking for a new doctor.
I found one and set up a physical. We did all the basics and he went over all my tests results. I felt like I was being listened to and we were getting somewhere.
His big suggestion was to lose weight… Again not a bad idea but maybe not the core of the problem. He thought that or nerve pain.
Well losing weight seems more appropriate than talk therapy so I set out doing that for a few months. I’m down about 15 lbs, got another 30 to go. Hasn’t really helped, but I am looking better.
In the mean time I’m still taking prevacid because that helped and I didn’t have any side effects. Except one time I bought a bottle of Prilosec instead by accident. I got about halfway through and started feeling dizzy, and nauseous again, so I cut that out and went back to prevacid.
I looked it up and turns out Prilosec and Nexium are closely related and do have those side effects. Nexium just was worse for me. Prevacid is a completely unrelated drug and does not cause me issues. So second ER was probably all from the Nexium and no one caught that despite me informing them of what meds I was taking.
We also scheduled a colonoscopy and endoscopy to look for a root cause of heart burn issues but found none. The new doc who told me to lose weight said let’s try a nerve blocker so I said okay. Turns out it’s also an anti anxiety med as well… so I think that suggestion was based off ER doc saying I’m anxious.
I decided to take it anyway even though I don’t think I need anti anxiety meds. It’s been two weeks and shoulder pain is pretty much gone which is great but I’m having way too many side effects from this drug. Wake up in sweats, always thirsty, low libido etc.
I go back next week to talk to doc about it see if there’s something else to try since this path seems to be working.
Sounds similar to my journey in some ways. I’ll share a bit on the off chance that some of my experiences might be useful.
I always had headaches and mental health struggles. Hopefully you don’t. I sought help for both. My mental health issues were misdiagnosed (I’m AuDHD, the other stuff mostly stems from that) and for the headaches I was just told to lose weight. Easier said than done, and the headaches got worse while I tried. I used pain meds and developed chest pain that got diagnosed as heartburn. Prescription omeprazole (prilosec) keeps it in check.
I finally lost enough weight for them to take the headaches seriously and get referred to a neurologist. We can’t be sure of the exact cause, but a good bet is anxiety - a very sensitive/overactive nervous system as a result of C-PTSD and autism. I take topiramate to calm it a little, edibles 1-2 times a week, quarterly injections, and I do a somatic meditation. This is a great exercise for pain without a physical source, caused by things like my overactive nervous system.
If your pain is made worse by anxiety, it may help to get in the habit of practicing a quick somatic meditation focusing on the pain whenever you experience it. Otherwise, just keep advocating for yourself until you find a doctor that will help. I hope you find something that works for you soon.
Also, on brain meds: they’re all multi-function, so if it’s anti-anxiety that’s more of a happy accident. They wouldn’t give you a nerve blocker just for anxiety. Side effects tend to lessen the longer you take the drug, but not always, and the time scale is a bit different for each. At 2 weeks it should be starting to get better, at a month if it’s not better it’s probably not going to get much better. Hang in there!
Getting diagnosed with adhd and autism as an afab took me till my late 20’s and early 30’s respectively, despite having been in therapy from childhood and then seeking MH help regularly throughout my teens and early 20’s for audhd related difficulties.
Every single one of my symptoms and problems were easily explained by my having undiagnosed audhd, or very convolutedly (and often times offensively) attributed to a myriad of other MH conditions. Guess what ended up happening? And guess how much the private healthcare cost to sort it all out?
Solidarity yo. I hope you find out what is ailing you before it becomes too damaging!
I wish so many comments on this post didn’t support what you’re saying. And the guy in the comic isn’t even asking for help, just showing that he’s suffering.
I wish the world was a better place too. On the plus side, what with WW3 and climate collapse on the horizon, at least it will all be over soon.
Yeah, but unless we’re mercifully nuked into oblivion, it will be a very slow, painful demise.
Not that slow, we’re going to be 40% over capacity on fresh water globally by 2030, and 90% of topsoil globally is at risk of depletion by 2050. And what with how hot it’s getting, it’s likely a blue ocean event will trigger the clathrate gun to go off within the next decade, if not sooner.
Google those at your own peril.
The comic character is doing it “right” by not making it the other guy’s problem.
Part of the problem is that there’s a gray area on this discussion and easy to find yourself on either side.
On the one side, “my hand has been crushed and I need immediate medical attention” is something other people need to respect. And “I can’t help you with both hands because one of them is crushed” is something other people need to respect. And “my chronic hand pain makes me grumpy”, too.
On the other, if you’re not talking to a doctor or asking for help getting to a doctor, starting every conversation with “My hand hurts” begs the question “what do you want me to do about it?” And if every request to socialize is met with “Can’t do anything hand hurts”, eventually you stop getting calls.
So what’s the fair middle ground? Hard to say and varies heavily by audience. But people do love to paint on the extreme ends without addressing the mushy middle.
Yeh, mental health issues are just health issues.
It took me a while to realise that. A broken brain (whether Alzheimer’s, chronic depression or whatever) is just like a broken leg (or broken arm, or chronic back pain or whatever).You don’t ask someone with a broken leg or chronic back pain to help you move house.
I guess it’s easier to tell when someone has a physical injury, which probably removes some of the stigma around talking about it.By “guy in the comic” I meant the original comic I posted. The one you posted comes off as mean to me. It’s great that “not great” guy isn’t doing badly enough that he feels the need to talk about his problems and he even acknowledges that he’s considering the other guy’s feelings, while the other guy comes off as, “Phew, I was just making small talk and don’t actually care how you’re doing.”
the other guy comes off as, “Phew, I was just making small talk and don’t actually care how you’re doing.”
What if the other guy is also depressed or otherwise dealing with his own shit and just looking for pleasant socialization rather than emotional baggage carrying?
Is it possible for two people to enjoy each other’s company without airing all their dirty laundry on each other?
Then he could say, “I’m sorry to hear that you’re not doing great. I hope things get better!”
That wouldn’t make for a pithy comic punchline
True!
Dude should maybe consider seeing a doctor about his “hand”.
This would be the correct response when you met them.
Which shows you have the right idea.Instead of this comment, which is victim blaming.
You are presenting yourself as the same as all the other characters in the comic.The correct response would be “none of the other characters told them to get help, or tried to help them”.
This is about others not taking depression seriously. The difficulty in getting treatment is another matter.
I was sad once and then I realized that I can control my emotions and decided not to be sad.
You can also control how knowledgeable you are on any subject, yet here you are.
Bro I’m too depressed to learn. It’s out of my control, I can’t do anything about it.
TROLLLLLLLLL!
Being a troll is a disease, it’s a form of depression. I can’t do anything about it.
I was sad once and then I realized that I cannot control my emotions and was forced to remain sad
A lot of children never learned how to regulate their emotions and are now adults
Any time I’m having strong feelings, simply turn off my emotions and become an automaton that exists to serve others.
My bosses love it. I’m going straight to the top. And once I’m finally in charge, I’ll be free to dump all my emotional baggage on my underlings while insisting they need to toughen up.
That’s great that you didn’t have chronic depression! Millions of others do.
Glad that worked for you…now try living a few billion other people’s lives and tell me it works.
That’s impossible, I can only experience me
The others would probably take his problem a lot more seriously if he had at least tried to get it fixed. If you are going to walk around with a mangled blood gushing hand for a prolonged period of time, without seeking help, then you should probably stop whining about it, because I can’t do anything for you. I can’t force you to go to a doctor.
If you are going to walk around with a mangled blood gushing hand for a prolonged period of time, without seeking help
Some wounds don’t heal.
If the comic suggested that he sought help in the past and it wasn’t working, it would be a much better analogy. Unfortunately, we only know what’s actually shown.
A lot of these comments are really proving the point of the comic. Nowhere does it say that anybody took his ailment seriously, yet it’s the victim who’s at fault.
The victim isn’t at fault for being depressed, or having a mangled hand, or whatever analogy we want to use. However, if they go out with friends and expect them to take the problem more seriously than they, themselves, are taking it, then they have some measure of fault for imposing their problem on the friend. If they are seeking treatment that just isn’t working, or they are unable to get proper treatment for other reasons, that’s a different story and I’ll have a lot more sympathy.
It all boils down to not expecting someone to take your problem seriously for long if you are not taking it seriously yourself.
“You don’t take your depression seriously enough for me” helps me to understand where some people who don’t understand (or don’t care to understand) depression at all are coming from.
Maybe the real lesson is that a mangled hand actively gushing blood isn’t really a great analogy for depression.
It’s a very imperfect one, yes. But the comic is trusting that the reader will understand the metaphor. A big ask for some, it seems.
To wit: everyone in the comic is dismissive of the ailment; none offers any real help or empathy.
Correct. And many of the comments immediately jump to (probably personal) experiences where a friend or loved one had depression and despite their best efforts to help, they were unable to. That’s not what this comic is about.
Thats why they put hand in quotes… it was sarcasm implying that the character needs to see a doctor about his depression
Yes, I know. As I said, not the point of the comic.
Goddamn, way to make me flashback.
There was a point in my life where I was facing homelessness, was constantly job searching but hearing nothing back, and had to count coins to make sure I could afford to eat each day. Not only that, but the closest family member, who had invited me to stay with them if things went tits up, had just died two days before in a sudden and tragic way.
And my then-bf dragged me to a bar, where he and all his friends told me to “just let it go” and “loosen up” as if the basement rock of my world hadn’t just eroded out from under me. I sure as shit couldn’t afford bar prices, and not a single one of the group offered to get me anything, leaving me stone sober while they all got shitfaced. I ended up crying alone in the bathroom for an hour, and when I came back out, “bf” was getting a fucking lap dance from his friend’s fiancee.
That wasn’t even the worst part of the night. It definitely got darker before the light returned.
I’m okay now, over a decade later, in an infinitely-better place with supportive friends and partners. But man, what a journey.
“I can’t, because of my hand. My hand hurts so much. Life sucks because of this hand.”
“You should go to a doctor to show your hand”
“No! It won’t help anything! And it costs money. And I don’t know how to or want to anyway.”
I’ve seen that too, where the person doesn’t want to actually even try to help themselves.
And when the doctor decides you’re an attention seeking malingerer and refuses to help, what then?
Don’t stop until you get help.
I’m lucky to have a colleague who identified I was depressed, and had gone through a similar scenario.
Don’t stop until you feel you’ve been heard, until you’ve been listened to, until you agree with the doctor.
Don’t fucking stopIf it is the first doctor to say that, I’d seek another opinion. If it’s the second or third, well maybe…
Let me guess, you’re a man? A most likely white, cis and straight, man.
How am I doing?
Trying to get someone to reframe their perspective in such a aggressive manner helps no one. Everyone has gaps in their experiences so let’s assume the best before lashing out
Kinda creepy to start asking and assuming like that…
Ask some of the women in your life about what it’s like trying to access healthcare. Ask how often they’re listened to by doctors and how much respect is given when they say something is wrong.
You think it’s hard to access healthcare where I live? Why…?
You’re making awfully lot of assumptions about other people ngl. Assuming their country is less weird but gender, sexuality, all that gets pretty weird.
Analysis: Women’s pain is routinely underestimated, and gender stereotypes are to blame
There are hundreds more papers like this from many different countries.
There are also hundreds of reddit threads about this, with thousands upon thousand of replies from women all over the world, who also attest to it.
And queer men usually have some understanding of intersectional feminism these days, and have likely experienced some form of medical discrimination due to homophobia.
Not to mention folk of colour in predominantly white countries, who also regularly face medical discrimination.
So not believing that women (and female presenting folk) have a harder time accessing the healthcare they need, is yes, a very straight, white, male privileged point of view.
I do admit though that I am just guessing you are white and living in either the US, Canada, Australia, NZ, UK or Western Europe, mostly based on the fediverse demographic.
Notice how the “friends” are completely dismissive of the hand? If they actually thought it was cause for concern, that would be an improvement.
We don’t know how long this has been going on. If it’s been years and years of this, I get it.
If encouraging him to see a doctor were something they were doing, the comic would have shown that.
what is this, the hand again
They do seem to have been through this before.
And it’s heavily implied it was brushed off before as well. No “I’ve tried to help you,” but rather “It’s not a big deal, get over it.”
Well obviously the comic has that as the point, even though very similar situations have people who have tried to help but have been brushed off
Sure, but that’s not this situation. First they have to actually care to get to that point.
Which of course is a symptom.
“My leg is broken” “Then walk to the hospital, duh” “I can’t, my leg is broken” “Why are you choosing to live in pain?!”
“Well you could call a taxi”
“I don’t know how to besides it costs money and time…”
“Well fine, I could drive you”
“No I got other stuff to do.”
“Just give me a time and I’ll do it”
“I don’t know when ugh…”
At that point people will just stop trying since it’s always the same wall.
A therapists saying about behaviors like this is “then the suffering isn’t big enough yet.”
But they saw it was a serious matter and tried. The people in the comic haven’t even reached that point yet.
It could’ve happened before this
Their comments don’t make it seem so. Nobody says they’ve tried to help him, only that he should get over it.
Then you carry them to the hospital and they don’t want to get treatment but they sure as hell want you to keep carrying them around. Been in that situation and it really sucks.
Is this some kind of metaphor?
Yes.
This comic hits the nail on the head for me. When speaking with doctors and therapists, I would describe the depression as non-physical mental pain. Like I don’t feel sad and I don’t feel like I am a bad person, but it’s like my mind hurts and I still feel like shit.
Wow. This really blew up.
Stupid Tasteless Gross Joke
Just like that guy’s hand!
I don’t get it
It’s a metaphor for depression/ADHD/whatever mental disability I guess.
What if we stage an intervention and have one of your childhood friends beat you while screaming about how your every single action is a sign you’re trying to kill yourself? -reasons why there’s a whole half of my family I don’t talk to anymore.
Ah, an artist who graduated from the Bruce Timm and John K school of horny Archie fanart.
(I actually love it)
I thought we were gonna be so serious and politically correct. I’m glad not all of us were.
You could say I’m “drawn” towards some fine curves
The fun thing about depression is that the others are technically right. It’s all in your head. And it’s easy to fix if you wanted.
But you won’t. Because you think you deserve it.
I never wish bad for someone. However, I would wish for you, that you experience for some time, what a depression feels like.
You then would never write shit like this.
That was written from experience you asshole. Fuck off.
Glad you are doing better then!
Fixing the thought that you deserve it is the hard part. It’s a self-reinforcing worldview that colors everything that comes in. People can say exactly the right thing, but depression will twist the way that you perceive their words.
It is all in your head, but it’s not at all easy to fix. The brain’s perception of reality is all we have, and when that perception is skewed it can be very hard to find something to help un-skew it.
That’s what he is saying in a bad way. The people in the comic are technically right, but since you think you deserve the punishment, you are stuck. If you manage to get away from that negative thinking, you’ve done the biggest part of getting out of depression, and from there it is easier to do the rest without the destructive self esteem.
He should’ve used more words.
The people are not right because they don’t see the “hand” as a serious problem worthy of attention.
That’s what he is saying in a bad way.
Just because half the people here don’t understand it doesn’t mean irony’s bad.
Others should have used more brain.
The irony if being stuck because of yourself isn’t bad, he just worded it badly.
It’s easy to interpret his message as negative because of depression, which is doubly ironic given the context of this conversation.
He?! I’m not going to be taking lessons in working from someone who doesn’t know who he’s talking about.
Didn’t notice you were op, my bad. Also I’m not trying to teach you a lesson, I just tried to clarify your message for others.
It took almost 2 fucking years after my first initial appointment to get properly medicated.
I’d literally kill myself if I was forced to do it all again.
You “just go see a doctor”–folk have no idea how fucking difficult it is to 1). actually be seen by a competent doctor, 2). be taken seriously, 3). and actually receive treatment for mental health stuff.
That’s not even including the whole “getting out of a shit enough headspace to actually do all that stuff in the first place.”
Unmedicated me felt like wading through hell.
Be kind to those with different chemistry. Shit sucks.
My first GP phonecall to get an in-person appointment resulted in a tiny piece of paper with suicide/help hotlines, and an ADHD form.
I was worried about ADHD and Bipolar. I wasn’t myself. At all. It got pretty bad.After an in person appointment and me failing to fill in my form (edit: or not filling it in correctly, I guess?), a referral to a psychiatrist wasn’t justified and I heard no more.
I eventually seeked private healthcare for this.
And proper private healthcare, not that fucking “better health” or whatever that YouTube ad is. From actual doctors from an actual clinic.
After a 1 hour consultation and £300, I felt listened to.
The psychiatrist identified both ADHD and Bipolar traits, but said they were not significant enough compared to the depression. Treat the depression first, then circle back to the other possible issues.6 months on SNRIs, and I can’t believe the difference.
I don’t feel like I’m struggling with memory loss. The traits I thought could be ADHD (hyperfocus sessions and yet easily distracted - exclusively) became manageable. The every day tasks suddenly were accomplishable. I haven’t tracked my mood very closely, but I’m either on a 2 month hypomania streak or this is actually just what I’m normally like and I can’t remember what feeling normal actually is. So maybe any bipolar I do have isn’t impacting my life so much.It took 6 months between the GP disappointment and seeking private care for it.
It’s the best fucking £300 I’ve ever spent.
The reason I got there, as opposed to accepting the GPs diagnosis, was a colleague talked about their experience. They talked about their depression, a failed visit to a GP, seeking a 2nd opinion, getting meds, and turning their life around.
They said “don’t stop until you feel heard. Don’t stop until you agree with the doctor”.I’m very sorry for you.
FWIW, I had the totally opposite experience. Went to the nearest GP with no appointment, rattled down a long list of physical symptoms, then a long list of things that currently distress me. You could almost hear it click when they connected the dots. Got the good stuff immediately and it changed everything. Maybe it’s something to do with socialized medicine (I live in Europe), IDK.This^
My GP called to mock and say she hadn’t called the crisis help for an appointment yet. Two weeks she let fly by. No doubt more if it wasn’t for a family member calling her.
I want medication for my ADHD and instead the doctors I would see kept trying different antidepressants. None of them helped. In fact most just added more problems, like not being able to get an erection, weight gain, and fatigue. I would tell them and they would either switch to a different antidepressant or up the dosage.
I know the cause of my depression and I want to treat that; not the fucking symptoms of depression itself. But I also have shitty insurance that’s only accepted by 2 different networks of health care where I am, and they are so understaffed for the mental health shit that making an appointment anywhere is always 6 to 8 months away, and even if you show up the doctor might not.
It took me 2 years to build up the inertia to actually call a doctor.
And that’s not even taking into account the miseries of:
1: Fighting with insurance to let you have what you desperately need at a price that wouldn’t bankrupt you.
2: Fighting with your pharmacy over prescription issues.
3: Dealing with sudden nationwide shortages.
Fuck…
Even once I had a great doctor who knew what I had, it still took nearly two years to find a medication that worked for me with side-effects that I could tolerate. It’s a long frustrating journey.
With friends like these, you don’t need enemies
