followed with ‘I wasn’t aware is so important to you. I didn’t want to insult you and if you felt so, I apologize. The word fuck is one I use very often, but I’ll try to control myself around you’
Note I didn’t insult the coworker (no fuck you or fuck off), but simply said ‘fuck’ out loud due to a job error.
A quality apology consists of 3 things:
- An explanation of what you did that was wrong, and why it was wrong
- An explanation of what you’re going to try and change about yourself, to avoid the same mistake
- An expression of remose. I.E. the word “sorry” or “apologize”.
Your proposed apology has all those elements, so you’re already ahead of most folks. But there are a few suggestions for improvement in this thread that I think are also good.
“if you felt so, I apologize”: I don’t read this as you apologizing for how the other person feels, since you clarified that earlier. But I think it’s fair that others might read it that way, so you’re better off eliminating the ambiguity. You’re apologizing for what you did, without considering that others might (validly) consider it inappropriate.
“I’ll try to control myself around you”: similar deal, it should be clear that this is about you, not them. And when it comes to swearing in a workplace, it’s pretty-darn common to consider it inappropriate and unprofessional, no matter who you’re around. Maybe part of your apology needs to focus on how the behavior is unprofessional, and you simply needed help recognizing that, as you’re (possibly?) new to the professional working world.
Ugh, so one thing that’s annoying about apologies is that if you use the word “if” people usually think it’s a bad apology regardless of everything else you say. Try to say things like “I’m sorry that it upset you” instead of “I’m sorry if I’ve upset you.”
“I’ll try not to swear around you. I’m sorry. I will probably not be perfect, but I assure you I’m trying.”
That’s enough.
I assume you are genuinely sorry and have decided you want to behave differently around them.
Why would you need to apologize at all? You swore. It’s not a big fucking deal.
Right? How about this: I’ll keep the swearing to a minimum if you remove all the religious bobbles from your desk and stop talking about God. You don’t have a monopoly on being offended, and respect goes both ways.
If you have a burning desire to say anything then “Thank you for letting me know how you feel.”
No, but the swearing is immaterial. That apology isn’t, so let’s break down the likely interpretation a bit.
I didn’t want to insult you and if you felt so, I apologize.
This is probably the most egregious part, since ‘I’m sorry you felt offended’ isn’t actually an apology, it just sounds like one. You’re not actually apologising for anything you did.
No matter what it is you might have wanted or intended, the fact of the matter is that you did offend your coworker with your swearing.
The word fuck is one I use very often, but I’ll try to control myself around you’
This part is fine-ish? I’d leave off the “around you”, since it’s extraneous. They don’t need to know that you’re deliberately taking exception around them.
I apologize. The word fuck is one I’m used to using, but I’ll try to avoid using it.
Seems a better way of putting it. You made the error, you apologised, clean and cut. No need for unnecessary explanation that could be taken as excuse, or unnecessary exceptions that may taint your intended message.
Maybe accompany it with an apology muffin or something.
I apologize. The word fuck is one I’m used to using, but I’ll try to avoid using it.
This sounds like “I’m sorry I fucking swore around you, I’ll try to stop that shit.”
“Look, I’m sorry I’m such a foulmouth asshole. I’m trying my fuckin’ best, but this shit is harder than shit. I’m a cunt hair from beatin’ this shit. I’l try not to be such a cunt going forward. We good? Cool, Fuckin’ A.”
Lmao, you forgot the apology part.
So. Your co worker NEVER watches TV? You know? Where swearing is everywhere.
Tell them to grow up. Adults use adult language.
Grow up. Your opinion is shit.
See how condescending that is.
Gotta love it!
Those who say, “Stop being so sensitive” often are the biggest little bitches.
No. It just means they have some maturity about them
Nah they’re little bitches because they can’t handle that other people might be different.
Be a bit more sensitive to others instead of being a little bitch who feels uncomfortable around people expressing themselves and telling them to bottle it in?
I worked with someone like that who got their jimmies tussled by cursing. I said sorry in the moment they voiced their feelings and avoided them after that. I didn’t change how I talk or come up with a huge apology.
I work in a very large tech company. I curse like a fucking sailor around some people and use my church voice around others. Expletives lose their punch when used too often.
I wouldn’t apologize or bring it up further. The time for an apology about language spoken in the heat of the moment is as soon after as possible.
The best apology is a change in behavior.
Good luck navigating this, you can see how contentious a topic it is by the comments in this thread. But it boils down to know your audience, and believe people when they tell you they have a problem.
I remember working in the London UK office and we curse non-stop over there it’s great. Whenever our colleagues from SF would visit they would always be surprised how much we swear. I’d see them do the turnaround like, ‘what just happened?’.
I wouldn’t wory too much about that coworker, if they can’t handle something as banal as fuck, it’s their problem, not yours
Until it’s escalated, and then it’s definitely OPs problem. Most jobs have something about professionalism written is their handbook. The coworker will win that fight with hr every time.
Than they can fight that any outburst is unprofessional and they are being harassed for what other coworkers are doing.
Fuck Shit Damn Shoot Darn
No difference, zero, but personal offense for arbitrary reasons.
True in theory, but in practice, those are pretty much universally accepted curse words. I personally swear all of the time when I know the audience I’m around, and hear people swearing from across my office, so culturally it’s not a thing where I work or especially my previous manufacturing job. In places that have outside customers or patients, the expectation is generally different and varying levels of masking those outbursts is required, sometimes even saying things like "crap"is too much.
It’s part of my religion, are you trying to suppress my religious rights?
Or something like that, there’s always an angle to play if someone wants to be petty or want to exert their “power” over their coworkers.
Wow, you’re all wrapped up in power dynamics you have zero sense of courtesy for others.
Hey, again, you don’t want to play along, that’s fine - you’ll be the one to reap what you sow.
And in today’s business climate of 360° reviews, HR over-reach, etc, you’ll be the one missing out. Pretty much anyone in a business environment would agree that cussing is inappropriate. If nothing else, it demonstrates someone’s lack of ability to either recognize their audience, or (as in your case), to be dismissive of them.
Cuss all you want, just don’t cry when you’re offered up during layoffs.
Lol, you’re funny.
Go say “fuck” while standing in front of a judge. It’s banal, so it’s his problem, right?
Until he fines you for contempt of court. Or jails you for continuing to say fuck after being warned.
Society as a whole is a judge. If you refuse to try to get along with the rest of society, it may decide to not get along with you.
Vast majority of society does it, a small fraction make a big deal out of it, some do it behind closed doors, but to say society condemns it is just wrong, it’s only a small fraction of a over controlling corp jobs that disallow it. But what’s funny, those execs are all doing it themselves, maybe open the curtain and stop doing what a small portion of society has deemed “acceptable” for the rest of the world.
Some judges won’t care, others would love to swing their power around, you seem to be wanting to be crushed am quieted by those above you for no reason other than their own enjoyment of theirs hypocrisy over you.
Say darn, shoot, dick, dang to a judge and you can have similar results as fuck, so what’s your point here? What isn’t a cuss to you may be a cuss to someone else, yet you want a few people to be the judge of everything? Sure makes sense
Also, 1/6 of the world speaks English, you could use that exasperation in over 80% of society and no one would even know what you said…… I wonder if you realize how many people cuss in their own language that you don’t even realize or know about……
My neighbor passed away and a new family moved in. Talking with dad, I noticed he didn’t swear much. I said a handful of curse words the first few times we talked. I noticed he was a little put off. So I just made a conscious effort to not curse around him. Never apologized, just tried not to. Pretty sure he’s noticed and appreciates it.
The correct reply is “I don’t see what the big fucking deal is.” Some motherfuckers will never be happy, so just ignore them and do your own thing.
is it an office. if so the apology should be more about your behavior in a professional setting not just around one person. If its blue collar it might apply if members of the public are around.
This is a solid point.
In a polite environment like an office, if one person was offended enough to call it out, there’s a huge chance others feel the same way.
I mean there will always be Karen’s who flip out that you’re just eating chips loudly.
But It’s up to the company culture to decide how to approach it as a whole, rather than address it with a single person.
Somewhat. the office environment is the employers and generally follows a civil discourse type of rule. Again in blue collar if your on a site and everyone there is just a worker then usually swearing is commonplace but if your doing a job at a home and the homeowners are around its generally frowned upon. Public businesses usually do not allow it but will let it slip if its not confrontational or often. So basically the apology is more about the owner of the space I would say and whats appropriate.
