You can tell this tape was made by Satan. It has at least four sides. If that isn’t evil magic I don’t know what is
We had a blind woman at our church in the 90s. We got her copies of the Bible on tape and in braille and those fuckers are huge. She would have loved CDs.
What happens if you play it backwards?
Believe it or not you actually summon Jesus.
Or a very suspicious Edward James.
Sweet. I can turn all this extra oregano into something fun.
If he turns water into wine, how potent will that “oregano” be when he’s done with it.
Dionysus is gonna kick down your door and demand some of your stash, and we aint talking happy drunk Dionysus were talking scary borderline eldritch god of booze and madness Mycanaean Dionysus.
I want Dionysius to turn some the food at the back of the fridge to lsd instead of the stupid penicillium Gaia is making it into
Best I can do is ergotism
Great. Now I have food poising, I am hallucinating because of dehydration and malnourishment, AND I no longer have sense of self. So…which god do I thank for all this? You gave me a list.
“Youtuber Kevin Tots here, today we’re going to find out which is more powerful: this AR16 sport rifle or the holy words of the king james bible.”
gunshots
“As you can see the bible didn’t stand a chance.”
Oh man, come on. It’s not that bad. The Gospels are an enjoyable read. I also like 1 John, I wish more Christians read this one. But they’d rather behave like Pharisees…
I say this as a life-long atheist: a decent translation plus a decent reader can make the more poetic parts of the Bible worth hearing, especially since much of it was adapted from oral history, so it was adapted from stories that were originally told aloud anyway. It’s no different to me than the Odyssey or the Beowulf in that sense.
All the begats and the crazy prophecies are still quite the slog though.
For example, I haven’t heard this particular one, but I bet it’s absolutely worth a listen:
Possibly not all 17 hours’ worth though. I hope the poor guy didn’t have to do it over just a couple of weeks of recording.
Edit: I’d definitely give this a listen too. He would really bring out the bloodthirsty parts.
Edit 2: Holy shit, he did it with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra providing the soundtrack. I’m sorry, if you don’t find this entertaining no matter what you believe, I don’t know what to say…
Ughhhhh the begats!!! People back then really cared about genealogies huh? I like Mark’s Gospel, short, concise, straight to the point. I found it inspiring even when I was an atheist!
Matthew and Luke certainly do require more faith of course. But Mark can be enjoyed by anyone.
Not the biggest fan of the KJV but thanks. I’ll check it out :)
Hey I found the narrations on YouTube, nice!
For what it’s worth, Job is so out of place, I’m not even sure if that guy existed lol. It seems that it was meant to be poetry in the original Hebrew.
There’s very little evidence for the existence of most of the characters in the Old Testament. There’s not even much evidence for characters in the New Testament.
Most historians think there was a person that was the historical basis for Jesus in the Bible, but if anything was written down about him while he was alive, it hasn’t survived.
On the other side is me reading the Gnostic book of Thomas and the book of Mary.
Big fan of the Gospel of Judas. The classic anti-hero story!
It makes so much sense, ever since reading it I can’t see the biblical story any other way.
True tbh
How to improve the Bible: not like this.
Doing the Lord’s work here!
When he says “idiot” I could swear I’m listening to Napoleon Dynamite reading the bible.
I love that he marked it (ASMR) 😄
I got about 30 seconds in before my brain started frantically attempting to exit my skull.
Tbh, the same applies to the bible in geneal
When I was around 14 I tried listening to the bible on audio book, couldn’t even make it past genesis (or the one after?) because of how terrible the writing was.
Like, bible, I don’t want to hear the entire fucking lineage of every single character you’re introducing. Appendices would have been much appreciated.
Never tried again because I was an edgy 14 year old atheist who was only doing it to be able to “win” arguments on the topic.
Ahh to be a hormonal teenager…
remove
?siand everything after itgather that glob of text,
https://redirect.invidious.io/watch?v=[glob](no square brackets)omg drain worm enjoyer :)
there’s more than one on lemmy 👀
significantly easier to find them on cohost (rip :( )
oh rip never knew about cohost :/
RIP Cohost
lol I absolutely love it
https://youtu.be/67Vg9EYy4c0 without trackers.
oh there’s still plenty. https://redirect.invidious.io/watch?v=67Vg9EYy4c0 has less
wholesome.
