I’ll start by saying that I’d get rid of the need to shit. I’m pretty sure everyone can agree that it’s unpleasant.

  • Mistic@lemmy.world
    0·
    4 months ago

    Surprised nobody said cell degradation.

    You now can live for as long as you’re not killed whilst physically keeping an appearance of an ~30 y.o. This also technically prevents cancer.

    • RBWells@lemmy.world
      0·
      4 months ago

      In the end there can be only one!

      I like this, but you can’t have kids and be immortal, that’s a recipe for overpopulation.

      Would enjoy not aging past adulthood (or not past 45, that was my “vampire age”), but life has to end unless you want all the same people around forever and no or very few new ones.

  • starlinguk@lemmy.world
    0·
    4 months ago

    Does the need for particular hormones count as a single bodily function? Asking for a post menopausal person.

  • Kazumara@discuss.tchncs.de
    0·
    4 months ago

    Make everyone shit rounded rare earth metal cylinders. Suddenly we don’t need Cobalt and Lithium mines any more and the worst aspects of having to poop are solved too. It’s dry and doesn’t stink, so no need for the toilet, just poop in your little collection bucket, no need for wiping and then you go on with your day.

    • ndru@lemmy.world
      0·
      4 months ago

      Squeezing a metal cylinder out my chute sounds a lot less pleasant than just pooping poop.

      • Kazumara@discuss.tchncs.de
        0·
        4 months ago

        Haha fair enough, I was thinking of multiple little ones not singular big ones. Think of bunny droppings or something.

  • Lemminary@lemmy.world
    0·
    4 months ago

    Remove sneezing. If only because I find people wishing me “bless you” to be the most useless & meaningless human interaction I can think of.

    How about your bless my farts, Ryan, you purposeless dingbat.

      • over_clox@lemmy.worldOP
        0·
        4 months ago

        What ever did happen with the dude that had an artificial replacement penis made on his left arm anyways?

        Shit, it looked like it was totally ready for transplant to its final destination, but then COVID lockdown came along and surgery was postponed…

        🤷‍♂️

        • corsicanguppy@lemmy.caEnglish
          0·
          4 months ago

          I never saw that one ; just two-penis guy (and a host of other unexpected stuff because #internet).

  • Uncle@lemmy.ca
    0·
    4 months ago

    needing food. that would free up a lot of time and money, no input = no output. no dishes, no stove or fridge, no need for a dishwasher, then on the other end, no need for TP, or even a toilet!

    • XeroxCool@lemmy.world
      0·
      4 months ago

      If you’re still regenerating tissue, your body is still producing weight. Drastically reduced (I’d guess by 75% total, of which 2/3 is dead digestive bacteria you’d no longer need), but still existent.

      Fun fact, you don’t defecate out weight loss, either. You exhale carbon in CO2

        • XeroxCool@lemmy.world
          0·
          4 months ago

          Not effectively. You’ll just have a lower concentration of CO2 in your exhaled air. Maybe it’ll stay the same with the increase in exertion by breathing more, but that’d be a good way to estimate how little energy your breathing consumes compared to proper exercise. And after all that, exercise is pretty slow to burn calories as well. The good news is your brain burns calories by thinking harder, an activity we’re both now involved in

          • over_clox@lemmy.worldOP
            0·
            4 months ago

            I’m just gonna learn from you and fart glitter. I’m pretty sure I can lose weight that way…

    • NutinButNet@hilariouschaos.comEnglish
      0·
      4 months ago

      This was my comment. My dad and I felt that same way but my grandmother just couldn’t understand how we could.

      If I never needed to eat, that’d be wonderful. No more getting fat ever again and I’d probably be 100 times healthier.

  • u/lukmly013 💾 (lemmy.sdf.org)@lemmy.sdf.orgEnglish
    0·
    4 months ago

    I wanted to say allergies, but I am not sure you mean abnormal stuff too.

    Breathing otherwise. Annoying + can’t stay underwater for long enough.

    Though if add, direct thought + feeling sharing. Current communication is way too inefficient.

    • over_clox@lemmy.worldOP
      0·
      4 months ago

      Pretty much all answers here should be valid, have an upvote 👍

      Another thought, it would be nice if our hair didn’t grow like any longer than an inch or so, where people wouldn’t need regular haircuts or complicated hair styles.

      I mean sure, ladies wouldn’t be able to grow their hair out as is fairly common these days, but if our hair always stayed relatively short, it would be perfectly normal, and would save us the hassle of going to the barber.

          • toadjones79@lemm.eeEnglish
            0·
            4 months ago

            There was a sci-fi book a while back where all humans were gone, and all that was left was a thriving android civilization expanding across the solar system. The main character was built on the base of a sex bot, and had the ability to set the speed of her hair growth, and color. At one point she gets tied to some tracks (a city on Mercury that traveled around the planet) to be eliminated (she was a spy) and ends up getting away by forcing her hair to grow at a rate so fast it came out weak and easy to tear. Super weird book, but I thought of it when I read the comment I was responding to. And yes, on/off was part of it.