I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, “Yeah all the time.” I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm.

I asked this because Im a guy, and we’ve heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.

But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.

  • Today@lemmy.world
    0·
    5 months ago

    Vibrators are much better than they used to be - quiet, rechargeable, and durable. I think your veggies are safe. If you’re worried about it, only buy non phallus-shaped veg for awhile and see if anyone comments. I think (hope) those food sex things are just jokes, but i will not use a hotel room glass, coffee maker, or refillable shampoo.

    • cordlesslamp@lemmy.today
      0·
      5 months ago

      What would you do if someone did comment on it?

      “Hey mom/dad, could you get some cucumbers next groceries trip. My face is so dry lately and in dire need of a moisturizing mask”

        • cordlesslamp@lemmy.today
          0·
          5 months ago

          I like where your mind go, but it’s not that. Spinach is just a cover up, a distraction. You can’t make a salad with just cucumbers, right?

      • Fizz@lemmy.nz
        0·
        5 months ago

        “Hey mom/dad, could you get some cucumbers next groceries trip. My face is so dry lately and in dire need of a moisturizing mask”

        “Sorry honey we are restricting you to only non phallic veggies for your own safety” why do I feel like super Christian households would actually say this.