This is shitpost, not fartpost.
How easily one becomes the other
simethicone
Been awhile since you posted this OP, any luck? Please update us posthaste about your gastrointestinal proclivities.
I had a mediocre fart that left me wanting. But eventually I had a few shits, and I’m feeling better for now
Thanks for your concern 😌
Take a lesson from the gays and loosen yourself up daily with a dildo.
You clearly haven’t seen how girthy my poops are
And if you have, then I have some questions and concerns
Yeah, releasing a gut wrencher is the best.
Maybe you should try getting yourself something nice from Bad Dragon?
I feel like that might cause more of a blockage than anything
Blow some air up there to help it along. Like swallowing air to burp.
As I get older, I noticed that around 50% of the time, if I have a slight headache, or don’t feel right or comfy for no reason (i.e. not sick), it’s because I need to poop. Even if I thought I was done for the day, sometimes there’s just some that remains that when I go for that last round, I’m suddenly 100% feeling ok and fresh.
Even if I thought I was done for the day
Interesting, never a thought I’ve had… hmm, you make me wanna try keeping a journal for a week
(You know, a journal, a diarrhy)
Have you tried standing on your head? It’s not going to help your gas issue but have you tried it?
How do you get your feet on your head?
Portals
The bigger, the better. Make sure to push really hard when one comes! You’ll be surprised what comes next!
Now that’s some clickbait I can get behind
How old are you? I’ve heard it said “Never trust a fart over forty” so you might want to hit the toilet for that, depending on your age.
You never want to be the person who sharts themselves.
“Three things to remember when you get older: Never pass up a bathroom… never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.” -Jack Nicholson (The Bucket List)
A good shart definitely would not sort me out right now 😭
