I work with a needy man, the kind of person who needs constant attention and feels threatened by silence. If I choose to read something on my phone instead of giving him attention he asks if everything’s all right. If I choose to meditate, adopting a yoga like position and closing my eyes before working he asks the same. It’s like he needs people talking to him constantly.
I am the opposite, I believe: I don’t talk about my life at work, I go there because I need a paycheck, but I’m open to learn from more knowledgeable colleagues, something he clearly is not.
What I’ve done so far: avoiding him, not looking him in the eye when he wants to talk to me, telling him that I’m working when he wants to talk to me, giving dull answers, feigning ignorance about several topics, ignoring him when I’m talking to another person and he asks what we’re talking about.
He still comes and sits next to me and tells me about his family, something I don’t care about.
I’m torn because I want to tell him to leave me alone, that I don’t care about his life, but considering the ‘offense’ this seems too much and knowing me I’d immediately regret it and feel bad about it.
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Because different people are different. I am the same. I could not give 2 shits about my coworkers personal lives.
Us dudes are thick as bricks, put him on the backdoor by using some of these.
I’m in the middle of something, I wish you would stop interrupting me.
Dude, stop interrupting me.
No seriously, if you keep interrupting me I will have to talk to management about it.
I’m torn because I want to tell him to leave me alone, that I don’t care about his life,
Tell them to leave you alone, that you don’t care about their life.
I’m 100% serious. Just be honest if thats the way you feel. It sets up boundaries and if they are a sane person, they’ll respect you for your honesty.
You are this way because you are maintaining professionalism. Your coworker is being unprofessional by over sharing. Set your boundaries fast and firm.
I once had a co-worker like this named Andrew. One morning, while he scrambled to fill any moments of silence, I told him “Andrew, silence is ok sometimes” and went back to my work. He was significantly less annoying to work with afterwards.
I probably came off as a bit of a dick, though it wasn’t my intention.
I’m willing to bet they understood the assignment very well
I don’t think there’s any need to be rude. Just tell him you appreciate that he wants to make sure you’re alright, but that you’re just not a very talkative person and you quite enjoy silence. You can say it’s nothing personal, but that’s just who you are and you’ll let him know if one day for whatever reason you are not fine. If you’re feeling generous you can ask him to do the same, but that is a potential commitment.
Show him your Warhammer figurines
Gotta be careful with this; I showed a coworker some models I painted once and he loved them and now makes me feel bad because he’ll ask what I’ve done recently and it’s always nothing haha
There’s something called “The Grey Rock Method” you may want to check out. This link is just from a quick search, there may be better sources out there:
This is what OP has been doing.
Well, sometimes people just don’t ever get it and they need to be told to fuck off in very blunt words. I think that usually poisons the well and dries up further conversation, permanently. But I’m not sure if this is the case here. And that strategy comes with possibly other severe consequences. So I won’t recommend it.
Another strategy would be to have someone else talk to him… You yourself seem to be getting nowhere. But maybe he listens to other people, or they’re somehow more gifted to get through to people like him.
What also sometimes works (depending on circumstances) are large headphones. They might be part of your work anyways, if you’re doing online-meetings in the office, or you are allowed to listen to music… Either do that and you can’t hear him anyways, or just put them on all day and say “Huh?” 200 times a day and see if he picks up on it. Though, this might not work if he’s stupid, as well. Or he might start tapping you on the shoulder and invade your privacy even more… Idk. But headphones have worked for me in various situations. Especially if they’re big and noticeable.
first you tell him you don’t like to exchange more than a few sentences per person. then you tell him, he exceeded his limit for years, so you will not talk to him any more, except if it’s a real business matter. then you don’t reply, unless it’s a real business matter, for the next few years.
Have you tried gushing?
Not just responding, and having a busy conversation, but just not stopping, even interrupting him.
It wouldn’t be my first choice, I prefer direct honesty, but you already tried telling him you’re working.
You could try even more directly saying that you don’t want to talk casually at work, but that requires not doing so with anyone, or you might as well just tell him you don’t like him and be done with it that way. Which is an option. He is someone you don’t like, but I assume you’re wanting to avoid that because it’s work, so that’s the absolute last option.
I’d recommend practicing being direct, polite, and consistent. In the end you can’t control his actions but you can control yours. If you need help then get help from a capable coworker or manager. Don’t waste any time or energy feeling bad about it.
Tell him you have trouble focusing on your work if you stop to talk too often. Tell him you’re trying to finish x, y, z, etc, and after doing that enough hopefully he gets the message.
Best to be direct. Fake responses just dog deeper paths.
What are you working on. Oh I’ll help you. Sure I’ll be back on ten. Yeah I’m busy too buy you gotta take breaks. Hey did you catch thst movie.
If the person is so dense they dont know there bothering somone there not the type of person to get subtle hints.
I have ADHD, so this is something I genuinely use. It usually works, but I’ve only dealt with this type of person once.
I had to keep reinforcing it and it was never perfect, but it did get better.
Happy cake day!
He’s an energy vampire. Tread carefully.
Colin Robinson
Fucking Colin Robinson
Needs some updog.
Dang, all I got is this cowbell…
What’s cowbell?
Unclear, but I definitely need more
Whenever he asks you something start off by staring at him with a blank emotionless stare for an uncomfortable amount of time, (20 or 30 seconds or so) tilting your head from side to side while you make eye contact with him and finally give him a simple one word response. If he continues talking keep direct eye contact and start making confused expressions on your face (like why are you still talking to me) then do everything you can to make the situation as awkward as possible. If he starts talking about himself or family or whatever make sure you interrupt him as much as possible even talking over him if necessary. Make up a weird uncomfortable story or start rambling on about some wild conspiracy like birds aren’t real, the illuminati are controlling people’s minds or maybe see if he’ll come with you to a scientology seminar, the weirder the better.
“I am focused on task x and cannot talk to you”.
Does he have a job to do or is he just there to pester people with smalltalk?
