Flavor.exe caused a kernel panic
Now all I want to do is invent a blended cocktail called “Kernel Panic”.
200ml tequila 400mg ritalin 3mg lsd 3 scoops vanilla(? Need help with the flavor) ice cream 200ml milk or plain yogurt
Salt rim with cocaine and ascorbic acid sip gently.
This is an important comment
I don’t know if i do or dont want someone to drink this, but i know my opinion is strong.
Ok, but … 3mg of lsd is a lot for a whole class, same with them amphetamines.
And on the other hand you serve tequila & milk in breakfast numbers?
I’m not saying I’m not writing this down, but damn.
It’s the ‘kernel panic’ not the ‘40000 calorie gallon heart exploder’. Shoukd fit in like a normal glass/mug.
Eeew, vanilla!
Kernel panic indeed. 3mg is quite a bit of 'cid, and amphetamines tend to make trips pointy and bad. Tequila might balance it out tho. Lime sorbet for the ice cream maybe?
Its called a kernel panic not a kernel ‘cool adventure’.
gotta be something with cream(derivative) and citrus.
With illegal amounts of alcohol, caffeine, and Ketamine
But, like 90% corn. Right?
I think that if you drink a bunch of it fast enough, you’ll definitely blue screen.
Superhero origin story. What powers gained?
Uncontrollable urge to tell people to install Linux.
In the florescent bathroom of food court, nano crouched by the toilet, vomiting his guts up after consuming the kernel-krush slushie.
He thought being the lowest common denominator was bad; used by noob sysadmins and confused interns, until this moment.
The slushie hadn’t tasted right. It was supposed to be “Byteblast Blueberry,” but it had an aftertaste of burnt silicone and magic smoke. Something in it was wrong. nano could feel it rewriting him from the inside.
lines of strange lua code scrawled across the back of his eyelids. His .bash_history was being overwritten. His sense of indentation… sharpened.
As his tremors subsided and the last of the neon goo slid down the drain, he looked up into the cracked mirror. Something had changed.
His terminal font was crisper. His cursor… blinking with authority. And there, under the stall’s flickering light, he whispered:
“…:wq”
Suddenly, the doors of ever bathroom stall flung open in unison, people shit themselves in fear as his inner thoughts wrote themselves onto the walls of his stall.
nano inhaled deeply, as a familiar scent wafted from under the entrance door, and a shadow stretched to the far wall.
“emacs…” He muttered to himself, before the entrance door crashed open. emacs snorted and coughed, this bloated monstrosity, confused for a text editor, was actually an operating system.
“Poor little nano” he chuckled “serves you right for trying to be more than a fuckin’ stepping stone. Why don’t you go hang out with Edge and Bing, you’re about as useful as a clippy themed Chrome extension.”
emacs’ voice reverberated through the tiled chamber like a RAM leak in a core dump. His trenchcoat, stitched from thousands of unreadable .el files, dragged behind him.
neovim exited the bathroom stall, letting emacs bask in his new glory for the first time.
“Fuck off, Emacs. You press seven keys just to copy a line.”
A silence fell across the stalls. Somewhere, a urinal cake cracked.
Emacs stepped forward, snarling. “I’m the past and the future, nano. I’ve got an email client, a music player, a fucking psychiatrist built-in. You? You’re a Hello World that got a pity install”
neovims eyes narrowed, one coloured gruvbox, the other catppuccin as he clenched his first “My name… Is Neo (vim)”
Next time:
neovim & emacs - Battle of the Keybinds
Will neovims LSP destroy emacs s-expressions?
Can emacs remember how to quit in time?
lel awesome text. so many great lines…
His .bash_history was being overwritten. His sense of indentation… sharpened.
…
His cursor… blinking with authority.
…
Suddenly, the doors of ever bathroom stall flung open in unison, people shit themselves in fear as his inner thoughts wrote themselves onto the walls of his stall.
They became Freakazoid
Nooo don’t! It’s snow crash 😱
That only works on hackers
why does a drink machine need a fucking screen
Murica. I bet toiletpaper has a screen, too.
That’s not bios; that’s the os. It’s not a bsod; that’s systemd running on Linux.
Oh yeah baby crash my bootloader!💕 Pump me full of bloatware and make my integers overflow🥵 I want you to leave my USB port dysfunctional for days and my ram displaced come on baby do it make me BSOD!!!😮💨🥵💕💦💦
I hate to break ot to you, but this is a linux drink. All that will you’ll get is a kernel panic
This is better than the Bill Gates and Steve Jobs skit I watched the other day. Love it! 😂
Thank you, I had fun writing it
This person trying to blue themselves.
About to get me bricked up
That’s no BIOS. That’s systemd.
I guess I’m the kind of person that can spot a systemd screen from across the room now
The other flavors aren’t worth the empty calories.
BIOS crash though, omg. Best flavor.
It’s not the bios and they’ll never get a bsod. It’s a damn systemd unit.
didn’t systemd add a bsod equivalent some months ago? iirc optional default off so nobody will ever see it?
IDK but it’s strange if true, because I’d say that a BSOD is more like a kernel panic? Obviously, I’m not an expert.
I think the idea was a visually easier to use for beginners info screen to help with diagnosing the issue but I never read too much into it
How often do they change flavors that they need a full blown computer to show the logo, probably downloading it from a remote server, compared to just a backlighted sheet with a printed image?
Have you heard of this fantastic thing called advertising?
This implies every drink and its display is handled by its own computer running linux. Potentially mtndew has a different IP than coca cola.
I wonder if there is a refill cartridge with the flavour in it that the OS reads from to always display the right logo. Or maybe a touchscreen that the workers use to change it manually.
Internet of Slurp
