• Nicoleism101@lemm.ee
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    3 months ago

    Learning is just somehow easy for me I don’t know maybe it is skewing my perspective and everyone else must sit there for hours before they grasp stuff.

    I just can do things in less time it feels like this sometimes at least and thus have to fill that time and get bored.

    Maybe some other people would use that to meet more and more challenges and overcome them but I for some reason always had more nihilistic and cynical mindset.

    School always seemed so stupid, uni too. You can learn that stuff in a month by yourself more quickly and efficiently if you felt like you wanted instead of feeding dopamine scrolling phone.

    I don’t think education system here was made for me in mind let’s just say. Not for someone who always questioned everything but never got answers but only reprimands and yelling and tons of bad behaviour notices.

    I was always surrounded with people who worked hard and I just waltzed there scoring with no effort making their work sorta pointless that probably changed me for the worse.

    So yes I don’t relate to these comics or most of the things really except for adhd meme comics yay. Most people are super unrelatable for me anyway.

    Few who were, we used way too much substances and done way too overboard things (such as vandalism mainly) to keep them around in a healthy way. If I meet someone I relate to it is the best and worst thing that can happen to me and everyone around as we literally destroy places in a drug fuelled madness and get away with it somehow. In a fun company I have been shooting road signs out of my balcony in the middle of a city with an air rifle for whatever insane reason. Or throwing eggs at the cars while laughing like a total insane person. Can’t say I regret any fun times.
    One time we were at someone’s house we just grabbed as much wine as we could from the cellar and ran. I shouldn’t miss those times but I do.

    So yeah any guidelines do not really apply as you can see and I must carve my own way

    • uis@lemm.ee
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      3 months ago

      Learning is just somehow easy for me I don’t know maybe it is skewing my perspective and everyone else must sit there for hours before they grasp stuff.

      We talk about systemic problems, not about your personal experience. And not about just “everyone else sitting there for hours before they grasp stuff”, but about not being taught stuff for them to be grasp.

      School always seemed so stupid, uni too. You can learn that stuff in a month by yourself more quickly and efficiently if you felt like you wanted instead of feeding dopamine scrolling phone.

      If uni was so boring for you, how it comes you are talking about licking some CEO’s ass instead of advancing science in CERN?

      • Nicoleism101@lemm.ee
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        3 months ago

        Frankly I don’t really care about systemic problems not genuinely so but wanted to write lotta words I cannot say aloud to anyone.

        You see having someone to confide this stuff is rare usually I have to be acting. Weaving some personas

        Just so occasion arises with some semi vaguely connected comic.

        So I can just shower ya all with my deepest thoughts without any repercussions. Brutal honesty is what I miss sometimes that was always fun.

        I usually am focused on my self improvement journey but once a week I get a cheat meal so to say. This is my cheat meal

        Feels good but also is so socially bad lol but hey you have to let loose sometimes

        • samus12345@lemmy.world
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          3 months ago

          It sounds like you’re a narcissist and psychopath or sociopath. If you’re in the US, you won the jackpot as our wealth-obsessed society allows people with antisocial disorders like that to go very far, especially if they’re intelligent and skilled at masking.

          EDIT: After reading more comments of yours further down, you definitely are and are aware of it.

        • Krauerking@lemy.lol
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          3 months ago

          Yeah can’t say them aloud cause no one wants to be near a person that thinks they are superior to everyone else and you at best have only business acquaintances instead of friends?

          Stop treating people like toys and tools and thinking it’s fun to be cruel and you won’t be so lonely.

          • Nicoleism101@lemm.ee
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            3 months ago

            I think it’s sort of built in tbh. I can’t remember when it wasn’t the case.

            All the dark triad stuff arson, animal cruelty and the things as a kid.

            I just don’t have this sense you all neurotypicals have. And I only know because some drugs make me see a glimpse of it. Of this sort of warm feeling towards living beings. It’s very rare to feel this for me

            • Krauerking@lemy.lol
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              3 months ago

              Christ as if any of that makes you special.

              Kids burn shit all the time, my sister tried to start a circus that killed all our pets and more.

              You are just roleplaying your idea of a perfect person to get through this reality extra hard. I don’t care. You aren’t actually special or better than anyone. You are barely unique in a numbers game anyways.

              You are whoever you act like. Congrats. You picked a sure heck of a winner. Shame it’s so pathetic.

              • Nicoleism101@lemm.ee
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                3 months ago

                Well then I am several people then because holy shit I change it week to week, day to day

                Otherwise it would be boring yes

                Yesterday was truly best person day, today is worst person day

                  • Nicoleism101@lemm.ee
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                    3 months ago

                    Well maybe because I could have like narcissism or npd it’s pretty probable. Psychedelics revealed it to me many times

                    Or like that one - HPD

                    Lemme have some fun online from time to time

                    More psychedelics after today is in order though to balance this rampage so to say, they always recenter me.

                    At some point I will get a good grasp on this thing and enough data points. Gonna pop some stuff now and see how this experience relates to my internal psyche

        • Nicoleism101@lemm.ee
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          3 months ago

          That is I could find easily people I could say it to but like they are disgusting and I ended this phase and no longer have a company of unsavoury types

          Now I am a proper citizen, good, kind and all the stuff and my company consists of similar.

          I am in lgbt circles now and even socialists so like not the best audience for this sorta talk lol

      • Nicoleism101@lemm.ee
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        3 months ago

        It isn’t tho, that’s the thing. sounds too crazy and pretentious but I swear on my real estate that it is all true

        This whole timeline is too crazy to be a random chance I am convinced we are in the simulation and someone like flipped a switch okay give that person this and this whatever they do. Yeah they should be by all means be dead or smh but we need them to test that hypothesis

        After all I probably wouldn’t get away with all that if not for the early capitalism woes of eastern bloc that was more like a Russian mindset than western

        • yrmp@lemmy.world
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          3 months ago

          There is a vast frontier of knowledge and value to be gained in renewable energy, fusion technologies, CRISPR/medical science, systems integrations and automation, environmental cleanup, food science, etc.

          These all take hard work and knowledge and aren’t quick fixes, so of course it seems like all the low hanging fruit is gone.

          There are a ton of problems that need solving. It’s not the dog eat dog universe you say it is.

          I used to be nihilistic and cynical for a time as well. Then I went through a divorce, went deeply into debt, became an alcoholic, lived in my car for a while and got sober and got my shit together. Not to say I recommend it, but the survival instinct is strong, and a wife and kids are a wonderful thing to wake up to every day.

          I hope you can get some distance from the drugs and you might also get some perspective.

          Your story is at least interesting, and if true, it sounds like you at least have the resources to improve your mindset and lot in life.

          • Nicoleism101@lemm.ee
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            3 months ago

            It may not be obvious from the shit I typed here but I am trying to. I know perfectly well how fucked up it all probably sounds to someone of… more healthy constitution.

            It’s like sort of a cheat meal let’s type deepest shit online and see what happens, maybe something good and whoah there’s you with some valuable insight.

            Okay now I won’t say I am happy for you because that feels like total lie but I wish you well