you can’t bond with your kid!? learn about what he likes, wtf is this.

Folks in Alabama figured out a way…

/s

You don’t. There’s no need.

Give it time, too. I didn’t discover I’m an absolute fishing fiend until I was 28, and now I’m out with my dad as often as we can. Same with woodworking and building stuff, I picked that all up when I bought a house.

Do I wish I had known this about myself when we lived together? Of course, but I’d be a very different person I suspect and I like who I am.

The same way you take an interest in any other person.

Ask them what they like and why they like it. Make it clear that you would like to understand.

And absolutely do NOT react in any way negatively. No “that’s it”, no nothing, no “ew”, no disappointment, nothing. If he tells you he watches paint dry in his free time, ask him what color and if you can join him some time. And be persistent and try make specific plans, I have relatives I like with shared hobbies and we barely manage to schedule something.

If your son already has a hobby it’s kind of easier because you can ask him about things he did and things he finds inspiring. If he’s doing performance or sports, you can watch and support him doing that? Shop for equipment together, etc… If he has a competitive, creative problem don’t pressure him and reassure him.

If he likes media, try to lend some of his and try to enjoy it. Usually, even with hobbies you dislike, there is a point where it’s somewhat interesting if you are motivated to learn about it. That does take some time though and you will need to invest that time. You can just weave in a quick “… and how is your [x] going”. That’s reserved for more distant relatives.

But also he’s 15 so none of that may work for biological reasons.

And also, it takes two. If you want to bond, but he does not, period, there isn’t really much you can do, except persistently offer it.

Good on you for recognizing the difference and trying your best, but some people are just different. If you met a guy like your son somewhere else in your life, would you hang out with them? Probably not. The bond keeping you and your son together is that you’re family.

I don’t dislike my parents, but the only reason I talk to them is because they regularly invite me over for supper. If they didn’t do that we’d probably never talk. That seems to scare the hell out of them, so regular suppers is what they’ve decided on. I have a friend who is really into board games. His parents decided they’d have regular game nights where they get together to play one of his board games.

Your son will eventually become independent and you’ll need to have a reason to keep in touch. He’s probably not going to take up woodworking so you’ll have to find some other reason to get together.

Side note! I’m an anime k-pop guy and my father is a woodworking police officer. We don’t see current events or politics the same way, but we don’t argue! I’m not afraid to express my true thoughts to my father because I know he’s not going to get upset. If you do want to talk about your son’s interests with him, then do so with an open mind. Maybe he likes these things because he sees the world differently than you and he might not want to express himself if he’s worried you’ll argue.

I’m going to jump right in here and say the only problem is with you. Sounds like your kid is really active and you refuse to try and get into his world. Try having a non-vebal autistic son to do things with. I dream to be in your situation, so get over whatever hangups you have with his interests and make a change with yourself. Watch anime, play CS, learn the guitar. You can fish later when he isn’t around anymore.

If I was a fourteen year old adolescent then I’d think my father was entirely wrong for asking random internet people what he should he asking me and perhaps my mother. I’d think that he lacks self-awareness for including a conclusion of “no shared interests” in the question. I’d righteously reject his shallow bullshit.

Then, I’d seek out the sympathy and empathy of others. After that begins to chronically repeat I’d form a familial bond with them. And, as decent human beings, they’d teach me skills I’d need to survive without my father, such as thrifting, cooking, and knitting.

What you should do is stop pretending to care about this person. The rest of the family is way ahead of you. Even randoms online can see through the thin fascade.

Food! Everyone has to eat, unless they are super picky, maybe it could be a small starting point. There are also miscellaneous hobbies/things like board game cafes or something the whole family can do together.

When I was that age though I was kind of an ass, but it was mostly because my opinions/thoughts were trodden over by my parents. So everyone recommending listening/talking/showing interest is 100%.

As a guy in your situation on the other side (20 YO, only nerd in my family and none of them share my taste in basically anything), I just… don’t. I mean I just kinda exist and do my thing, because while I love them we’re too different to connect over much of anything.

Be consistent in your availability. Listen to him when he speaks. Listen as if he’s got something to say that you don’t already know.

You were once a 15 year old. You are both living on the same planet, among the same species. You both eat, sleep, and have the same set of emotions: fear, love, shame, etc.

I have to avoid my father almost entirely while living in the same house. We are polar opposites and completely incompatible. I’ve learned to appreciate him for what he is, but also know how toxic he is for my mental health and constantly remind myself of Hanlon’s Razor, (assume stupidity over malice).

Empathy is the key.

Topics / hobbies etc. are all the same then.

Trauma bond over shared family drama.

Honestly…I don’t.

Like I love my parents but we’re not really into any of the same stuff. (Well technically all of us went to engineering school, but they’re not really interested in engineering/math/physics for its own sake like I am.)

But also that’s fine with me because I know they’re there for me.

For similar reasons, I’m not very close to any of my family members, even the ones I like… which is fine. We don’t need to be close to love/support/trust each other.

So I think that if you really share zero interests with your son, it’s fine if you acknowledge his interests and remind him that you’ll be there for him and that you love him.