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A coupe of hand grenades for some extra kick!
Monoammonium phosphate
Uranium 235 🤤
Just go ahead and call the fire department now. It’ll save everyone time.
“Good afternoon. I would like to book 2 firetrucks and an ambulance for 3pm today. Yes, I can hold.”
I’m sorry but all of the county’s fire trucks and both ambulances have been booked. Would you like to go on the waiting list?
Make sure to have plenty of ice to cool down the oil
be sure to fill that baby alllll the way up before dropping the bird in from about counter-height.
Also make sure the bird is frozen totally solid before slamming it in
Edit: Goddamnit I should have read the other comments first lol. Sorry for the 1000th repeat!
We usually invite the whole family to watch the bird plopping ceremony.
“All right kids! Gather 'round! We’re gonna plop the turkey!!”
From helicopter height.
Oh, the humanity!
Get a pot of water ready for any flare ups!
Don’t forget that it always tastes better when the turkey is fried while frozen solid
So moist.
Thanks, Obama…
If your oil is a bit too hot toss in some ice cubes
I like how you’re taking precautions by making sure your floor doesn’t get damaged from the oil splatter. Great job!
I have several drunken and glib responses ranging from actual seasoning advice to something about the season of the witch. How-the-fuck-ever…
Run. Just fucking run. Neighbors? Kids? Whatever. Run.
Just a pinch of a fire truck on standby should do the trick.
Carbon monoxide, my favorite seasoning
Make sure the turkey is fully frozen before you put it in.
And throw it in quickly! Wouldn’t want it to cook unevenly.
Also, since there will be a bit of oil splattering, make sure to quickly secure your lid with clamps. Hope you have a blast!
To shreds you say?
Well, how’s his wife holding up?
To shreds you say?
Well, at least the children…
Was their apartment rent controlled?
She’s good.
Can confirm she’s good
Medium rare even.
To smithereens
I’m just so glad all the comments have such useful advice for folks. I second the tips suggesting throwing it in frozen and adding more water when things get spicy.
Toss in a few plugged in power strips and extension cords to add a nice spicy flavor to everything.
Gasoline
