Why can’t I quit you?..

I will intentionally walk the wrong direction just to avoid this situation.

Yesterday I followed a person about 20 miles to the same exact destination.

When I left I followed someone else 30+ miles and they were going 3 blocks where I was going.

The worst is when you hold the door for someone and walk out to your car and they parked next to you.

Now we’re sleeping in the same bed without clothes on. Peculiar!

Whenever I go out to dinner with my octogenarian parents, at the end of the meal my mother always says “well, I hope we can do this again some time” in front of the waitress using her best “you’re a neglectful son” frail old woman tone of voice. I live with my parents.

They’re husband and wife! It’s scene 4 from The Bald Soprano 🤣

• Scene 4

After entering the room, the Martins realize that they have met each other before. They are surprised to find that they are both from the city of Manchester, that they both took the same train to London, that they both traveled second class, that they both reside at No. 19 Bromfield Street, that they sleep in the same bed, and that they both have a two-year-old daughter named Alice with one red eye and one white eye. They come to the conclusion that they are husband and wife. They recognize each other and embrace.

Me and my sprouse be like…

Secret panel…