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Mom took the door off my room due to her not trusting me? Smoked a lot of weed but never ever in their sight or in the house. All I did was sit on my computer in my room. Absolutely horrible experience.
She ended up putting the washer and dryer in there with me too…
Your mom had plumbing installed to run the washer in your room?
Yup, right into the back of the closet. They removed the doors and tucked the machines in there.
That’s a lot of work. Why did they do that?
For some reason she didn’t enjoy going downstairs, and I guess this was their ideal spot for it upstairs lol
Birthed me. Then they had the audacity to celebrate it each year there after.
On the bright side, life is a terminal STD with 100% mortality rate
My mother passive aggressively bullied me regarding potential love interests to the point I was absolutely terrified of even mentioning boys from my class as dealing with her unfounded teasing was unbearable. This didn’t help at all with my romantic relationships, I was always lacking in support in the area as I turned the topic into a taboo during my adolescent years, at home in particular.
As for my father it’s not much what he did but what he didn’t do. He’s one of the smartest men I’ve ever met, he is good at managing his finances and networking yet he never gave me much support or pushed me to achieve anything in these areas - when he did it was briefly in the form of criticism. Again, this also snowballed into an adulthood problem I’m still grappling with.
I’m a guy but I had a very similar experience with my mother basically making it an embarassment to talk or let alone date anyone. I missed out on a lot of things before I realized that what was going on wasn’t normal.
And then they wonder why you don’t tell them things about your life, like what your hobbies are (if you are even able to enjoy hobbies anymore) or what you’re enjoying.
I do have hobbies and enjoy them, but I tend to hide everything from them, even meaningless things.
What pisses me off mostly is how much I missed out on when I was younger for her stupid ideas, things like “you want a wife from your city”, “but she’s black!” (yes, I’m into black women), “he’s gay, if you go out with him everyone will think you’re gay”, “the trip is too long”, shit like that…
That’s horrible and a great way at making sure your child hides their love life and possibly makes impulsive and dangerous decisions.
My parents pulled out a pack of condoms from my toiletries bag one time I visited for the weekend during university and my dad mocked me for having them.
That first paragraph pretty much summarizes my love life, fortunately I’m not one for dangerous but plenty of stupid.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I know the feeling :(
Really doesn’t sound bad at all compared to most people out there. Especially without concrete examples.
This isn’t a contest. OP asked what was the worst, and this is it for me. It’s damaging enough for me, and it’s very hard to give concrete examples because it was damage over time. Personality also plays a role; it’s possible that other kids in my shoes wouldn’t have felt this as something too damaging, everyone is different.
Both my parents have been very supportive and nurturing in almost every other aspect but those I mentioned. I know there are some horrific stories out there, I hope yours isn’t one of them.
All I asked for was specific examples
When my brother and I were both in university, we lived in cities about an hour apart. We grew up about another hour away, so to visit my brother my dad had to drive through the city I lived in, passed the campus for my university, to get to the city my brother lived in. You could literally see the buildings on campus from the interstate through the city.
He would call me about once a month to tell me about the awesome weekend he just had visiting my brother and seeing one of their school football games. He would rave about how much fun it was and always say “you should come down too next time”. I would always tell him I probably would if he would tell me about it before the trip instead of after…
I started to resent my brother being the “obvious favorite”. For years we barely spoke. We reconnected like a decade later when we happened to live in the same city. One night around a few beers, we started hashing out old shit, and I brought up him being dad’s favorite and all the trips dad made to visit him.
That’s when I found out my dad made it all up. Our dad only visited my brother’s campus twice, the day he moved into the dorms and the day he graduated…
What the?!
Why would someone even do that?
I’ve pondered that question a LOT… Did he think it would somehow make me go out of my way to spend time with him out of some sort of primal urge to compete with my brother? Is he a psychopath? Is his brain so fucked he thought it was real?
Sad part is, I bet he doesn’t even recall doing it, and he was just bored at the time.
Dad - gave mother speed while pregnant with me, then abandoned the family before I was 1, never to be heard from again.
Mom - committed suicide before I was 10
Aunt - psychologically and emotionally manipulated/coerced me for ten years
Uncle - beat the fuck out of me for ten years
Growing up sure was fun…
My parents weren’t bad parents. They did their absolute best to raise me coming from trauma themselves. They still don’t even know they suffer from it. Their trauma made me feel like I was not good enough. However, I will pass intrinsic value and compassion on to my kids.
Mom divorced my abusive alcoholic father and married a man from England. I was 14 but she figured I had the maturity to know it would be ok if I stayed with him instead of moving to England with her and my brother. I was angry at her because I was 14 and dumb. She left me in the US and gave me no end of guilt for making my choice once a grew up a bit and realized I made a mistake. Once she and her husband moved back to Oklahoma I took a position in California and now I’m guilted for that at the age of 42 because she can’t see my daughter whom she never bothered to spend anytime with anyway because of her constant depression about having married another different kind of abusive man.
On my 18th birthday I wanted to go out and spend the day with friends. My parents said they didn’t want me to and they wanted me to stay home. I said I was 18 and an adult and I wanted to spend my birthday out with my friends.
I leave and enjoy a few hours until I get a phone call from my dad. He says “Come home immediately, there’s been a huge accident with mom and your youngest brother. We need you home ASAP”.
I rush home in a panic, spent an hour on the way home preparing myself for the possibility that half my family had died.
Only to find out that he had “played a joke on me” to get me to come home as a power move. No accident. No ambulance, no injuries.
“You think you’re an adult but I will ALWAYS be in charge of you” was what he said.
I’m 30 now and haven’t spoken to him in over a decade. I don’t think much about him since he’s pathetic, but when I do, I imagine that he’s rotting alone and unable to manipulate other peoples physchology and emotions 🙂
That’s psychotic.
Kicked me out after high school. I ended up homeless for months. That was years ago, but the psychological damage never goes away. To this day I don’t spend money on furniture because I’m too scared I’ll lose everything again somehow. Even my computers have to be laptops forever now because I feel like if I get a desktop I’ll be fucked into losing it if I end up homeless again.
Its fucked up that it is normalized to kick your kid out in the west, no one deserves to go through this and I cannot imagine being that heartless
Their struggles with alcoholism led to me becoming an alcoholic, which nearly killed me multiple times, and did end up killing my mom before she was 60.
Fortunately I got sober a year before she passed. I’d have almost certainly drank myself to death had I not.
When I was 15 or so my dad made a fake AIM address and posed as a girl from my school so he could encourage me to masturbate with the child porn he was sending me. When i got freaked out and stopped responding he called my phone and said that “the girl from school” was bothering him at work and I needed to keep talking with *her". I didn’t figure out that it was him until a decade later later. I remember panicking all night about what I knew was illegal images, so I told him what happened and he just mocked me for not knowing how to do an ip trace to see who it was.
Dad was a real piece of shit. But that was the worst thing he did to me personally.
I’m not an expert but this sounds like a crime punishable by law. Holy crap
So… Did anything happen with Dad and his illegal pictures?
Sorry if it’s personal, I’m just kinda nosy
Nope. It wasn’t until after he died that I went to therapy and started talking about the memory before putting it all together. Dad worked in IT security so I don’t doubt he was careful.
The closest that he came to consequences that I know about, is when the FBI came to his house to interview me. My parents were divorced and I spent 50/50 with each parent. My mother’s boyfriend was being accused of seeding a torrent filled with CP, and the FBI came to ask me if I knew anything. This was around the time of the AIM incident. Dad wasn’t home and was pretty upset that I let them inside.
Anyways, it took nearly a decade and countless dollars in lawyer fees for the case against my (by then) step-dad to be dropped. The FBI can led the court date after we uncovered hard proof that he wasn’t even home that day, but it had already cost him his career. Unlike my Dad, my step dad wasn’t a tech person, like at all. So while I don’t have any proof or idea how, I’m fairly certain that somehow my dad got access to his laptop to frame him.
Which is why I said that the AIM thing is only the worst thing he did to me. Another runner up would be the statutory rape of my mom when she was 14 and he was 20 that led to my birth. Unfortunately, the theme of child exploitation runs through many chapters in my Dad’s angry miserable life.
Wow that’s fucking terrible. I really hope things have gotten at least a little better, if not easier, since then.
Their utter disregard for me as a person, as demonstrated in particular by the sudden violent outbursts and beatings, was not a great time. Probably the worst, though, was when they disowned me. They apparently didn’t like what they had made.
I was going to write a lot of stuff about my own experience, but then I decided that it wasn’t worth writing and getting my identity exposed, so I’ll say “same”, minus the disowning part, because I come from a collectivist society. My failure as an mid-20s adult is theirs to blame, because that’s how broken I am, and I still can’t cope with the past. Tough-love my ass.
My parents split up when I was in my 20s. They both moved out of the house I had grown up in. My girlfriend and I stayed and rented it from my dad, planning to buy it from him as soon as we were financially stable enough to get a loan.
Fast forward a few years to me having a well-paying job and my girlfriend almost being done with university. Things were looking really good. On my 30th birthday, my dad abd his new wife suddenly started pestering us about the house being too big, too expensive, too whatever for us to the point of ruining the whole evening. A week later I got a letter from him, telling me I had six months to get the money or get out, strongly suggesting the latter. Never even got a reason.
Dad - gave mother speed while pregnant with me, then abandoned the family before I was 1, never to be heard from again.
Mom - committed suicide before I was 10
Aunt - Was a raging narcissist who psychologically and emotionally manipulated/coerced me for ten years
Uncle - beat the fuck out of me for ten years
Growing up sure was fun…
I love my parents. We did what we could to get by. Sometimes thet means pushing the expiration dates on food. This lead me to associate meat with illness. I ended up becoming a vegetarian at a very young age; before I knew what that even was. Meat still grosses me out to this day.
Interesting how experiences shape us. Glad it sounds like you have mainly positives with respect to your parents.
Yes, no regrets there.
Nitpicked and poked fun at almost anything i watched/read/did/listened to, and anybody i interacted with, to the point that I sometimes struggle to find enjoyment in things, typically prefer to have a wall behind me and eyes on an entrance (they liked to sneak up and surprise me), almost exclusively use headphones for any form of audio, and struggle to form friendships with anyone.
