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Cake day: July 1st, 2023

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  • I would be uncomfortable with my partner hooking up with a stranger. That’s a betrayal of our shared values, and creates risks for both of us (e.g. unwanted pregnancy, STDs, and general drama that could create a lot of unnecessary stress). I would rather know that she has fallen for someone we’re both know preferably, and who she loves and believes she can trust implicitly. I would still feel a healthy amount of jealousy, and be worried about thing going wrong, and her being hurt. But I would trust her judgment, and trust she won’t run away and leave me to raise our kid on my own. But yeah, the sex, and intimacy in this case, wouldn’t bother me too much.



  • What makes cheating, cheating, is the betrayal of trust involved more than any specific acts of intimacy. The reality is in monogamous relationships merely falling for someone else, even without then knowing how you feel, already feels like a betrayal in your heart as a loyal partner who wishes you only had eyes for your SO and nobody else. Even porn in some cases is a betrayal. It’s a whole lot of unnecessary suffering not to acknowledge how the overwhelming majority of us won’t mentally thrive under these conditions. Therefore, setting expectations appropriate for your situation is key.

    For my part, my SO understands that due in part to her relatively low sex drive and complete lack of initiative, certain needs of mine aren’t being met, and we’ve talked about it. I still love her deeply, and we have recently had a child, and I have every intention of meeting my obligations as a father and partner for the rest of my life. But, there’s a real possibility I could fall for someone else one day. I already have friends who I can say I love and would jump at the opportunity to be intimidate with should they show that kid of interest. What interests me though, are loving bonds, not hookups (I mean STD risks and all sorts. Ew). I want to be close with those who I sleep with, and i want them to know I love my partner and will always be there for her and our child. But, there’s space for them too, if they want in. Ideally, my partner likes and accepts them too - and the more close they are as friends (or even lovers too) the better.

    In any case, that’s the dream I guess. Nothing has happened yet, and I find with a baby to look after, I’m in no rush, and certainly even with everything out in the open, it’s still too much drama to navigate at the moment. But if it does happen one day, at least it won’t result in a litany of lies that lead to guilt and suffering all around. At least, that’s the idea. I know it will never be quite that easy in reality, but it wouldn’t be life otherwise!


  • ynthrepic@lemmy.worldtoLemmy Shitpost@lemmy.worldGood point
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    3 months ago

    People aren’t honest enough with each other and their own needs. Meanwhile we build other dependencies in long term relationships that have nothing to do with physical attraction, but are in most cases more important for all kinds of reasons.

    Monogamy is the basis of a lot of unnecessary suffering because it’s resisting a very real need we continue to have even when our relationships become romantically stagnant. If we could all just be honest about it with our SOs without fear, and work together as we do anyway to maintain other commitments to each other, we could have a culture where there’s a lot more freedom to seek more intimacy and love in a way that isn’t dishonest, that isn’t “cheating”.


  • ynthrepic@lemmy.worldtoMemes@lemmy.mlplease
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    4 months ago

    What do you recommend?

    I want something that I can set up and forget about, that costs a few bucks a month or less, and integrates between all my devices. Security is a given, so let’s assume spyware or not, the data is safe unless I fuck up.


  • ynthrepic@lemmy.worldtoMemes@lemmy.mlplease
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    4 months ago

    Fair. I’m not knocking that choice if it’s for you. But it isn’t for most people, especially those who are not at all tech savvy.

    I work in IT, and almost nobody who opted to use external hard drives for backup is ever up to date with their backups.



  • ynthrepic@lemmy.worldtoMemes@lemmy.mlplease
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    4 months ago

    Do you have any evidence to support this claim?

    Sounds utterly illegal, and likely to lead to countless lawsuits. They’ve got better phone support than Google, especially when you’re a paying customer, and I’m not expecting one of the biggest corporations on the planet to just up and leave with my data, and I’ve sure as shit never heard of it happening.

    Microsoft products have a bunch of problems I’m happy to moan about, and a UX team that I swear doesn’t even use M$ products, but data security does not seem to be one of them.


  • ynthrepic@lemmy.worldtoMemes@lemmy.mlplease
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    4 months ago

    Unpopular opinion: OneDrive automatic integration is amazing. Get a new PC, login, boom. PC at your parents’ house? Boom.

    I tried open source file syncing and it was jank. Everyone making their own cloud is inefficient anyway.

    I just wish windows phone was still a thing and it could all be on the Microsoft account. It remains better value than any other offering.

    That said, if it’s not your thing and you don’t want any of it, I agree there should be a big red “I’ve got this” button if you want to go full manual transmission. Well, windows style, maybe circa Windows 7. Linux is only for those for whom playing with settings is why they computer.

    Also “personalisation” can eat a dick. And stop fucking asking me for feedback. You get 1 star everytime just for asking. I’m done. /rant