That’s all well and good but eating pizza lying down like that while being over 40 is just asking for heartburn.

You’re thinking of Intel vPro. I imagine some of the Crowdstrike victims customers have this and a bunch of poor level 1 techs are slowly griding their way through every workstation on their networks. But yeah, OP is deluded and/or very inexperienced if they think this could have been mitigated on workstations through some magical “hygiene”.

If this were the case then “I fucked your dad” would be just as common an insult, with all the same connotations.