It’s an awkward situation for sure. I’m trying to imagine what could be done with the room if they cleaned it out. All I can think is that they could never convert it into a room that they would want to spend time in, and the only alternative seems to be storage which almost seems disrespectful to the memory.
Yeah. I mostly just thought this was a sweet memorial. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re in denial or anything, they just want to keep a piece of him there like most grieving people do.
In this specific case, it actually seems fine to me. Like the other poster said, what are they supposed to do, turn their dead son’s room into a home theater? I’m sure that won’t put a damper on movie night. /s
As it is, it serves as a much more immersive version of a photograph. I don’t see the harm.
To me personally, it’s a difference in the function of a room versus photos. Photos were always intended to capture memories, whereas a room was meant to be used and lived in. The idea of keeping the room as it was, permanently, feels like stagnation to me. I worry once it stopped being a comforting space, I still couldn’t bring myself to do anything with it because it would reopen the wound, so I’d just ignore it and live around it, and the feeling of stagnation would grow heavier.
But also everyone grieves differently, and I’ve never lost a child, so I can only guess how I’d grieve based on how I’ve grieved other relationships. It’s possible no one in that family feels the way I described. That’s just my best answer for why it sounds creepy to a bunch of us.
Thank you. I’ve never lost a child either, and I’m not a therapist. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of this happening, though, so I was surprised at the reaction.
I’m not getting it. Creepy how?
Creepy in the sense that keeping the room intact was a monument to pain, and handling that pain in an incredibly unhealthy way. It’s just too sad.
If they just moved on and cleaned the room out, it would be fine. I’m not talking about ghosts or any crap like that.
You know, I don’t really see the harm. How is this not just a scaled up version of keeping pictures?
Scale is not unimportant
It’s not, but if a sudden change in acceptability happens do to a continuous change in scale, I feel very comfortable asking why.
It’s an awkward situation for sure. I’m trying to imagine what could be done with the room if they cleaned it out. All I can think is that they could never convert it into a room that they would want to spend time in, and the only alternative seems to be storage which almost seems disrespectful to the memory.
Yeah. I mostly just thought this was a sweet memorial. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re in denial or anything, they just want to keep a piece of him there like most grieving people do.
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There’s a difference between some photos and keeping an entire grungy room as a shrine.
And besides scale, what is it?
Don’t be stubborn. I think you can intellectually understand there’s a big difference between the two.
In this specific case, it actually seems fine to me. Like the other poster said, what are they supposed to do, turn their dead son’s room into a home theater? I’m sure that won’t put a damper on movie night. /s
As it is, it serves as a much more immersive version of a photograph. I don’t see the harm.
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Oh, well that’s fine then. Other posters were making it sound like it’s a more objective thing; using words like “unhealthy” and so on.
To me personally, it’s a difference in the function of a room versus photos. Photos were always intended to capture memories, whereas a room was meant to be used and lived in. The idea of keeping the room as it was, permanently, feels like stagnation to me. I worry once it stopped being a comforting space, I still couldn’t bring myself to do anything with it because it would reopen the wound, so I’d just ignore it and live around it, and the feeling of stagnation would grow heavier.
But also everyone grieves differently, and I’ve never lost a child, so I can only guess how I’d grieve based on how I’ve grieved other relationships. It’s possible no one in that family feels the way I described. That’s just my best answer for why it sounds creepy to a bunch of us.
Thank you. I’ve never lost a child either, and I’m not a therapist. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of this happening, though, so I was surprised at the reaction.
Ah okay, thanks for the extra context
Glad to help! It could be read as the setup for a cheesy horror story.