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Probably because it used to be that being ostracized from our towns/clans/whathaveyou was basically a death sentence.
Getting criticized for something could potentially lead to the town/your family driving you out. Either through the people listening to the complaints deciding you weren’t ‘good’ for the town, or others dogpiling on with their own complaints, real or imagined.
You have to remember, there were bandits, wild animals, and deadly weather outside the protection of our small groups. And that’s assuming you got to survive the ostracizing in the first place.
The Bible gives a rather chilling example: if your kid is disobedient or troublesome, drag them to the front of the town and loudly criticize their behavior. Then, it is the moral imperative of the town to assist you in stoning your kid to death.
With things like that being a social norm, is it any wonder we developed a fear of criticism?
For some, it is the loss of social standing. You are doing things worthy of criticism.
I’m not! Who told you that??
Exactly! And why did they have to ask it so directly? Where’s the tact? They’re as arrogant as Donald Trump, and they have the morals of (whispered in a raspy voice) an alleycat!
Ego.
Losing social status means losing financial status and therefore is bad for your health.
Some people, specifically people with ADHD, are actually more sensitive to criticism than neurotypical people.
It makes dealing with criticism incredibly difficult for them and it can take them years if not decades to acquire the social and psychological coping skills needed to handle normal criticism rationally.
I have ADHD and this take is horribly off base. I can take criticism when I’m wrong. It’s just that I’m not wrong. How dare you accuse me of… oh fuck I’m doing it aren’t i?
Most people aren’t taught how to deal with criticism and see it as a personal attack, an attempt to discredit them. This leads a culture where people are afraid/unwilling to admit they were wrong (it’s a sign of weakness after all, “I can’t be weak”) and would rather dig themselves towards more and more absurd explanations and deflections on how they are the correct ones.
The more popular this stance becomes (compare how stars or politicians, the ones setting an example, act now and how they were few decades ago) the more it spreads, powering the cycle of pride and unwillingness to say “I was wrong”.
That’s how I see it at least. It’s not exactly a professional or scientific look at the issue so there might be better explanations out there.
Most people aren’t taught how to deal with criticism and see it as a personal attack, an attempt to discredit them.
A lot of the time that’s what it is though. Accepting criticism at face value takes a lot of trust because the main intention of the person giving it could very well be to assert dominance or persuade people to stop listening to you rather than give you useful information and help you improve. This is why people are afraid of criticism; it has always been used as a way to build social hierarchies, and it goes against our instincts to see it as not being about that.
Some people definitely use it as such and I do think it became more and more common as the previously mentioned habit of treating accepting criticism as a weakness started being normalized. It’s something worth keeping in mind but preferably within reason. It’s also worth remembering that besides the usual jerks there are people who mean well but are complete trash when it comes to communicating - this is another issue with the lack of proper teaching about how to approach criticism in my opinion.
That said, just because someone tries to belittle you for your mistake or can’t provide proper feedback doesn’t mean the actual criticism is wrong. Sure, you shouldn’t take everything people say as complete truth but rather use it for introspection instead. They might have a point, even if they try to use it against you.
I don’t disagree with your point, humans aren’t always a nice and friendly bunch. I do think however that some people use this kind of thinking to shield themselves from accepting their own shortcomings. I used to be terrified of people criticizing my work/knowledge/actions and would react with anger (in my head and towards myself) for letting myself get to this position. It’s something that can be really hard to overcome.
Again, I don’t want to present my way of thinking as the one true way. I was lucky enough I didn’t have to deal with people trying to put me down for their own benefit (or fun) so my mindset is a bit more… idealistic (?) than if I were bullied as a kid or trampled as a coworker. There is no perfect answer and the best I can do is to try doing what I preach.
I’m also interested in how other people approach this question so I’ll be coming back to reading through this thread when I have some time.
That said, just because someone tries to belittle you for your mistake or can’t provide proper feedback doesn’t mean the actual criticism is wrong. Sure, you shouldn’t take everything people say as complete truth but rather use it for introspection instead. They might have a point, even if they try to use it against you.
Even if someone has a point, if they are using it as social aggression you have to expect the other person to get their hackles up and dismiss it, and I don’t think that’s even an unreasonable response since how can they trust someone who is attacking them to be giving their honestly considered judgment rather than just making up something that sounds plausible?
I think the solution has to be building trust. Like establishing that you respect someone and aren’t their enemy before offering criticism, and giving people credit for considering ways they could be wrong.
- criticism -> blame
- blame -> guilt
- guilt -> shame
- shame -> bad chemicals
If you believe this, you need to start hanging out with better people.
I’m not terrified of criticism! YOU’RE TERRIFIED OF CRITICISM!
Because unjustified criticism is annoying and justified criticism confronts us with our flaws.
They are?
You may want to define your terms: what do you mean by “afraid of criticism”? Which humans? Why humans and not “people”?
Who exactly is afraid of criticism? What kind of criticism? Surely not everyone is afraid of all criticism?
Humans is a term to explain the whole of humanity in an unbiased manner. And in my perspective, humans as a whole are short of humility.
Humans are not in any way homogeneous, though. So, not only are people not necessarily all incapable of accepting criticism, those that are will have different reasons for it.
Though, based on this comment, it seems you’re dealing with people who don’t like it when you don’t universally massage their ego.
In which case, those specific people you’re thinking of have tied their self-worth to their perfection. Tell them they’re not perfect and they get tetchy.
I am not sure as a whole, because I am not say…every human alive. And I am from a certain background with a certain way of thinking I was taught, and a certain way of thinking I hold personally. But I believe it’s a multi-layered reason. One being that we’re taught academic intelligence is direly important, and that failure in this situation comes with some weighted consequences. Such as being held-back or not being able to graduate. And in turn not being able to continue forward with your peers. And since most systems are setup for only certain individuals to thrive - if you are swept under the rug it can make you feel like a total failure. This can keep multiplying as you age, and when life is more Ls than Ws it can really fuck you up.
But also I know it can be the other way too. Where not enough people say “no” to you. And you keep coasting through life win after win. Those people are just as bad with criticism. But this is of course all generalization, and the thoughts of a currently very pained woman - so like - it might all be gibberish. Idk. Brain no workie no more. But umm, societally I don’t think Americans like being told “no.” We grew up the “heroes” of a lot of big media, and we’ve got big heads from it. But also, and I can’t say this is for everyone - but certain areas of the US are er…louder than others. More open to sharing on fuck-ups. Which is why I always say you gotta look at the intention. Because I grew up not only in a black joint, which will call you out the second you fuck up and crush you over it - but I also grew up in the East. And I honestly think we’re vibrant and opinionated and very prone to strong-arming and convers-a-debating. Where as several places I have lived have enjoyed conversation to revel in the joy of living, I think back home people are more prone to a “I’m right, here’s why - get on board or fuck you” kind of mindset. It’s a pleasureful mix of intensity, emotions, and analytics (is this the right word HERE!? It’s what I’m going with) - that I really enjoy personally and crave like candy even if it leads to heart attacks. But I am open to persuasion, you’ve just gotta move me in the right direction. And while I do listen to criticisms, I gotta think them over heavily and decide if they were worth my time. And to be honest I think a lot of them are manipulative shits, trying to squeek my neurodivergence out of myself and have me be “more normal” and fuck that! If I think it’s warranted I try and change, but if it’s bullshit to me I grab a pitchfork or straight avoid that human because I think they’re on some bullshit.
Which is to say - I am not the greatest at it. But I also try not to hand it out unless I really think it’s necessary. Because while it can be a gift coming from the right place - I have trouble hurting other’s feelings. And also (when it comes to personal affairs) - I let my folks live their lives cause I am not here to tell them how to and I’m hellllllllllllluhhhhh not perfect - so of course who am I to talk?
And we haven’t even hit the perfectionist aspect. Cause that’s a thing too. But I’ve already type-vomited enough. Enjoy!
A half-million years ago, our ancestors were hunted to near-extinction by laughing hyenas.
Hehehe
When people are criticized they experience the same “fight, flight or fawn” response that they do for, you know, real dangers.
It’s a quirk of our biology and I’m not so sure how to get past it as a species.
