It’s not true, folks. The lying liberal media wants you to think he’d shag a settee. That he’d bone a book stand. That he’s creamied on the credenza.
Don’t trust them. My beautiful boy JD, he’d never do it! He’s chaste with the chaises. He’s never loved a loveseat.
My VP would never fuck furniture.
The best part of this is that J.D. Vance will never be able to be in a photo with a couch ever again. Think about how hard that is going to be, especially if he is VP.
Otherwise we’ll be collecting them as evidence of all the couches he’s fucked.