My mother’s housemate is getting a hip replacement soon. I’m sending this to her. She’ll get a kick out of it (no pun intended).
Please don’t let her kick.
She won’t be able to for quite some time because she just got a knee replacement! When I drove over to the town where my mother lives (for other reasons) I came by to pick up something for my daughter and my mom met me outside and told me her housemate was in so much pain that she hadn’t slept all night and had finally fallen asleep. This was around 3 pm. I feel bad for the lady and I’m now wondering if she’s going to go through with the hip replacement if the knee replacement has been this hard on her. She’s in her 70s and her mother is still alive in her 90s, so hopefully she’s got a lot of years to go. I hope it all helps.
Crazy part: She lives upstairs and my mom lives downstairs. They agreed to not change bedrooms. The housemate is planning on getting up and down the stairs sitting down.
So I’m the only one having weird posthumanist body horror type feelings at the concept of being given an instruction manual for your artificial body parts, including the equivalent of a void warranty sticker?
Just me? Cool, cool. Quietly unlocking new phobias over here.
Once I understood the weakness of my flesh…
… I craved the strength and certainty of steel …
… I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine …
Not sure if this is always an issue or just during some recovery period but I can see how it would be important not to stress the fragile ligaments and other issues post op until the proper time.
Looked it up. Seems to be post op instructions about recovery restrictions
https://www.aoaortho.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/Hip-Replacement-Protocol.pdf
Yeah, the content itself makes perfect sense, I think what got me was the airplane security leaflet pictures. Makes it seem like you pulled your hip from a vaguely disappointing Amazon cardboard box along with a cheap gadget.
including the equivalent of a void warranty sticker?
. . .
I hate this dystopia.
Hello, we are calling about your hip’s extended warranty. Press 1 to be connected to a hipologist and remedy this issue. Press 2 to die. Ending this call will assume option 2. Option 1 is also option 2 but with a slightly longer buffer time. Too late, you are now dead. click
Fuck that, imma install Linux on my hip
Deadman’s switch activated after not receiving a signal for 6h. Hip will explode in 3, 2…
Congratulations, you can now outpace Usain Bolt, but you’ll need to open a terminal window to take a shit.
You’re not cool enough, so you need a visit to the hipologist.
Hip-hip gunshot sounds
Shareholders: horray!
They really just revoke your gay card for 3 months when they put you under for hip surgery
The software license on your hip has expired. Your hip will now be remotely locked until your account has been updated.
Thank you for being a Hip-O-Matic Customer
As someone with sciatica and bursitis, I’m going to take this advice while standing. I’ve heard the opposite lying down, but my problem is neurological/ inflammation. My rest postition is crossing my calf over the adjacent shin and then pulling both upwards towards my head. Let’s test it out! I’m queer though, so I’ll miss making homophones scared.
If you make basic building blocks of language scared I’m genuinely impressed, and keep being gay as you want!
Are these temporary restrictions, or permanent? What happens if I cross my legs?
So far nothing with mine after the 2nd year. Some say it takes 5 years get back 90% but i think thats a little pessimistic
Was yours a total hip replacement?
Thats what thr means.
Sorry, I must’ve missed where you said that. Haven’t had my wakeup juice yet!
Oh you don’t want to know! It is horrible!
Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science fair volcano.
This would also be helpful if you were an alien trying to blend in with humans…
Yeah I had hip surgery in March and these restrictions sucked. They were important but soooo hard to comply with, especially with sleeping. But even harder was not being able to lean forward while sitting - I could have no less than 90° between my legs and my trunk.
Oh god, I could never. My sitting positions are all over the place. It would just happen by accident, while I’m focused on work or smth.
Oh my god… My mum would be pleased for me at least.
That sucks, hope everything is fine now. How long did you have to pay attention to these things? And how is it later, can you play sports, run?
I had to really watch these positional restrictions for the first four weeks. After that I could ease back into a more full range of motion, but only to my comfort level (in other words, I couldn’t push anything and had to take it slooooowly). No running or jumping for the first 12 weeks. But now I can pretty much do anything I want. I do still have pain sometimes if I sleep in a weird position or if I go too hard in the gym, but more or less I’m back to normal. Certainly I’m better than before surgery!
My problem was called a femoroacetabular impingement, which is a congenital overgrowth of bone at the neck of the femur. It limited my range of motion (e.g., squatting was difficult) and led to a torn labrum (hip cartilage). The surgery was to sew the labrum back together and pin it down, and shave down the bone overgrowth. They did it all arthroscopically. I’m really glad I had it done, even though recovery was frustrating!
I talked a little more about recovery here if you’re interested.
My aunt had her knee replaced, and the booklet was quite informative.
Just lay there while it happens to you
Holy shit Minecraft Steve!
Ive had thr, so can concur about those restrictions at least for the first couple years. After that its kinda not too big a thing
How am I suppose to act normal at a party now?
