The thing is I can’t believe what people say, and I’m certainly disappointed in myself.

My ex constantly reminded me for the past decade someone fat, nerdy, and unattractive like me would never get someone like her. No matter what I didn’t, I really couldn’t have her and she ended cheating on me anyway.

It’s different with my job. I barely know what the fuck I’m doing. I can’t estimate the time it would take to do any task. I don’t understand almost any stories, and it takes me forever to implement shit. I get constantly showered in praise, but I can’t pass simple codility tests for a promotion.

School was the same: “oh he’s a smart kid” without elaborating why.

Yeah the only person saying that negative stuff to me is me. I’m the only one with the truth.