I treat my body like the sack of meat and bone it actually is.

By slowly smoking it at low heat over a long period of time. (I’m a smoker)

Gosh, I wish.

my body is a soviet apartment building

its not pleasing aesthetically, but at least it works

I treat my body like a temple. (a pagan temple during the crusades of Richard the lionheart) .

That’s a good description of the penal system.